• TheFunkyMonk@lemmy.world
    58·
    7 months ago

    I decided to stop making excuses a few years ago and just say when I’m not feeling socially up to it or there are too many people. Positive reactions literally across the board, haven’t had a single weird conversation. I’d recommend it.

    • BubbleMonkey@slrpnk.net
      13·
      7 months ago

      I’ve also found honesty to be the best way, with a few exceptions, like… because of my outward appearance and things thus assumed, a lot of people take my honesty -very- personally when really it has nothing to do with them.

      But… that’s a really good reason for me to get them out of my life asap, so it kinda still works out.

  • weker01@feddit.de
    18·
    7 months ago

    That’s just insecure communication. Nothing to do with beeing introverted.

    In most situations it’s easier to clearly and honestly communicate ones needs. People that take offense to confident and honest communication should be avoided anyway.

    • noobnarski@feddit.de
      5·
      7 months ago

      I have (had) a few friends who communicate like this and its just annoying and exhausting. I am never planning anything again with them involved because they cannot state if they actually will or want to come.

      • meowMix2525@lemm.ee
        3·
        7 months ago

        I can’t stand when people do this. It’s beyond frustrating when I’ve put effort into a relationship and just get this in return. Like I would literally drop everything for you at a moment’s notice and you can’t even commit to meeting up next week or have the decency to be honest with me so I don’t waste my time preparing for you and can make other plans.

        What the actual fuck, like am I doing something wrong or did it become okay at some point to treat your friends like this?? Cause it makes me feel like shit when it happens and it happens way too often.

        • weker01@feddit.de
          4·
          7 months ago

          Did you talk to them about how it makes you feel? I would suggest doing that with the caviate that you should stay with your feelings and not be accusatory. Even though I know it is hard to do.

    • Signtist@lemm.ee
      71·
      7 months ago

      It fits pretty well for people who are really bad at sex. I mean… maybe it does… who knows? Definitely not me.

  • theneverfox@pawb.socialEnglish
    41·
    7 months ago

    I feel like the key is consistency and not confusing the message

    This is me, except these are all different levels of small chance I might want to go when the time comes. If it falls through or there’s not a slot for me at that point I won’t be offended because I didn’t commit, and once I commit I follow through

    Maybe it’s a source of friction with some people, but I’m not big on planning. It’s just a constant weight around my neck, even if I want to go and know I’ll enjoy it

    I’ve got three weddings this year, and the first has been weighing on me since the Xmas before last (it’s at the end of the summer), the second since I heard about the engagement this Xmas and started dreading immediately, and the last is this winter and had me locking up for days. And these are all ones I said yes to immediately, but still every time someone brings them up my heart races

    If your friends are actually being honest with you about their feelings, don’t plan around them. Give them a casual heads up, and another one when they need to make a decision and start planning.

    If they say “I’ll think about it” when they mean “I want to keep my options open, I might get FOMO if y’all do something without me”, let them scramble to catch up… Draw a clear boundary that sucks less for everyone

    If they actually mean it how I do, the relief when it comes down to the last minute to act and someone says “you don’t have to go, it’s totally fine, we’ll hang out when we get back” is so real. It makes me want to meet them halfway, because if I know it’s not a let down to back out on a warmer “ask me in a couple weeks”, the stress goes down.

    I get to think about it stress free for a bit and sit with the idea. I get to decide how much I want to go vs how much I don’t want to do the things necessary to go