Pro-tip: Asking permission to interrupt to say your bit goes down much much better than just interjecting
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I don’t think this is an exclusively autistic feeling. I feel it often.
Unless…
I feel called out.
I remember internalizing stuff I wanted to say and thinking “I might as well not say anything ever” and “I don’t know why I’m participating in this conversation when I can’t say anything”
It’s depressing every time it happens.
Yeah. And everyone acts butthurt when I just walk out of the conversation and go to people that are willing to engage in dialogue. Or to get something to eat or worthwhile to do. It gets worse when I state the reason.
Neuraltypicals tend not to have any experience with other styles and react against them strongly.
I’ve made it pretty normal for me to simply leave. Pretty much all of my friends and associates know that I don’t really say goodbye, I just leave.
Whether that applies to a group conversation or an event. My logic is simple, people who announce they’re leaving, IMO, are looking for a reason to stay half the time. Everyone coos over it, like awww don’t go, blah blah, fake placating talk about how much they like having you there even though they haven’t said more than ten words to you the whole time…
Fuck that noise. I want to leave, so I leave. I always make a point to tell at least one person that I’m going so that if anyone asks, they can say I left, simply for informational reasons.
I stopped trying. People don’t want to hear anything I have to say, anyway. It’s probably better this way.
Ah don’t think like that, mate. At worse you need some new friends but I guarantee there’s people out there that match your weird
I see this advice often, and in most cases it’s true. But most people with these issues are young and have lots of time to turn things around. I’m 40 and had my chances and blew all of them.
I immigrated for the second time in my late 30s and lost all my friend circle all over again and then found new ones. There’s a lot of people in the world so no reason to stop looking.
Dude I’m almost 42 and have had this mentality for most of my life, but am still making new friends. Defeatism is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don’t mistake that for it being correct initially.
Always time to change, even if you only get a few years to enjoy it. I respect the dejectedness though.
I feel this deep in my bones. I used to feel like this all the time.
What worked for me is that most of the people who make me feel this way, I realized, are not people I care about. So I just stopped giving any shits about them or telling them anything.
I dunno if that’s a great way to handle it, but it’s how I get by.
Yeah, it’s difficult when all your friends and family are people that you don’t want to talk to.
Learning to have a conversation and not a monologue is also a pretty solid skill.
People stand there talking without a break and I just stop listening.
Learning how to let a thought whose moment has passed go gracefully is also a skill. I understand we have extenuating circumstances that make doing so more complicated for us, but that unfortunately that does not absolve us the hard work in learning to be a respectful conversationalist as well.
My wife has ADHD and some wicked rejection dysphoria. I feel bad interrupting because sometimes it makes her feel really badly, but I swear she could talk for an hour without pausing for breath.
I definitely do the same thing when I’m talking about something I’m passionate about though, so like… live and let live.
My family is all various flavors of neurospicy, and we’ve kind of organically developed nonverbal signals for “A thing I want to say has occurred to me; please continue, but I call the next pause.”
It’s awesome because it allows the current speaker to complete the thought without it getting derailed, and the whole group can still participate in some back-and-forth on the current thread with the understanding that we should be reaching for a conclusion so space can be made for the next speaker to insert their thought without forcing them to step on others to make that happen.
It does a really good job of keeping our conversations from reaching the level where you’re blurting things out because you feel that you aren’t guaranteed an organic space to get it out. Everyone can keep from interrupting or being interrupted by requesting the talking stick from the current speaker without implying that they’re taking up all the air.
Edit: Oh, right… The signal… An outstreched finger placed on the table like you’re pointing at a map. Gentle tap to remind. Add fingers for follow-ups :P
My wife and I are also neurodiverse and this is EXACTLY what we needed based on recent conversations.
I love it!
In my family I raise my hand while the louder ones finish their soliloquis, and then they pass the floor to me, then I start making my point, get interrupted, lose my train of thought, and they contradict themselves and get upset when I point it out.
But asking permission to interrupt feels like interrupting
It’s okay, we give you permission.
And if you wait for a pause to interject, you’ll also not be paying attention to anything else they say because you’re focused on what you have to say.
In general we all need to slow down when speaking and give lots more room for others to speak.
You need to gesture like you want to talk, it’s kind of a lean and eye contact thing, open mouth as well.
The only way I can picture this: Face the talker, lean forward at the hip joint as far as balance allows, rotate both arms like V-22 Osprey propellers, mouth wide open without making a sound.
Basically that image, but dial it back 1000%
How can I do that in a phone call?
It’s not something the Jedi would tell you.
That’s the best part, you don’t!
It helps me a lot to look at myself in a mirror when making a phonecall
A long uhhhhhmmmm until they stop talking
