What are your go-to safety behaviors? Have you tried challenging yourself to reduce them? What happened if you did?
Holy shit, I check off like 11 out of 13 of these…
Mine are talking too much and making jokes. As a result, I don’t come off as someone with social anxiety since people assume I’d be quiet and shy. But on the inside, I’m very much anxious. This has gotten much better with practice, especially the talking too much. I forced myself to stay quiet even when it was uncomfortable. Still working on not making too many (inappropriate) jokes when anxious.
I tend to be quiet around new people but then I feel like I’ve already “branded” myself as the quiet one and when I get comfortable enough to have a conversation, i might still not talk because now it feels like too big of a jump from not talking to talking a lot.
Usually with alcohol I can skip the analyzing step but then there might be a point when I get overwhelmed and I’ll just zone out, as if I’m just observing the conversation like a ghost or a fly in the wall.
Yes, the staying quiet, avoiding eye contact, not asking questions and not talking about myself are very recognisable. One of the things I dread most in these situations is me sweating excessively, so I tend to try and hide this with special clothing.
I can relate to the sweating part. In the past, I sometimes used overnight prescription-strength deodorant before events where I knew I’d start sweating. It was very effective, but I know some of the ingredients can be problematic.
Out of the ones you listed, not asking questions is probably the one most likely to keep you away from making connections with others. As we all know, people love to talk about themselves. I find it helpful to have a few questions in my “mental bank” before interacting with new people just so I don’t have to think on the spot.
I was practicing small talk with my husband one day, and I asked him if he likes his job. He was like, “Ickplant, very few people actually like their job. You’re either asking them to lie or putting them in an awkward position of bitching about their job to a stranger. It’s better to ask what their favorite part is about their job or something similar.” That’s what inspired me to be more intentional about what I ask.
Thank you, that’s good advice. I’ve been improving at it slowly over the years, but it feels like babysteps. I’m now trying to learn to be proud of and happy with any small progress, that helps a bit. Also I try to focus more on the other person in conversations instead of on my own thoughts and sensations.
Ehhh? Some of those seem accurate, but there’s a whole lot of stuff just down to personality and the people you’re talking to that’s left out here. For example, being quiet is not inherently bad or anxiety-inducing, for some people it’s quite the opposite - and how people act depends a lot on who they’re with, be it friends or authority figures or what have you. Nice idea! But this is a massive generalization of a post that just leaves me going ehhhhhhh
Safety behaviors are a big thing in social anxiety. Nothing is wrong with being quiet per se. We are talking about staying quieter than you normally would because of social anxiety. So, burying your true personality traits - aka masking - with safety behaviors.
