We’re pretty much in the “find out” phase at this point. It’s not pointless to make an effort to improve the world, but the reality is more and more people are so focused on trying to survive that there’s no energy left.
I turn 44 next month, and the most purchasing power I’ve had was on the first day of my first job a month after 9/11. Newspaper editing was in retrospect a poor industry to go into, but what we faced starting 15 years ago is now what everybody’s facing: the industries willing to pay for experience are niche, those jobs are only available if you met the right people in college, and everyone else is expected to smile and pay more than half their wages to housing.
I know every generation thinks they have things uniquely bad, but for those younger than me, the '80s and '90s were an era where people still bought a house to live in, not as a way to make money in three years. Starter homes were still being built. That’s what we were told to expect. Work your ass off in your 20s and 30s, fix your housing costs and enjoy the income experience nets you.
It’s a farce. My annual raise this year vis-a-vis my rent increase has left me with a singularly shitty choice: food or rent. No, I shouldn’t have to get a roommate decades into my career. No, I shouldn’t need a side hustle. Those are the options people immediately jump to, with comes with a starting proposition of: you don’t deserve the basics your landlord did.
Fuck that. I’m not renewing my apartment lease. I’ll find a vehicle I can live in and deal with the hassles of that instead of the first $20K a year I make after taxes and after insurance going to someone who got into the property market while it was about places to live instead of gambling.
I relay all this because the answer I found is not participating in the parts of society that will never benefit me. The only way I’ve found to lessen the existential dread is to question more and more assumptions that were fed to me growing up.
I’m sorry to not have answered earlier, but I got tied up a bit and also lost a comment to this by being clumsy. Not that used to typing on the phone this much.
I feel you, I really do. It is not easy fending of the existential dread and you do almost anything to not feel it so much, just for a while. The society we live in do not help much and not playing by their rules anymore feels good. Not letting it turn destructive for yourself is the real trick though. Questioning what you’ve been fed your whole life is not an easy process. You’ve built your entire existence on one set of beliefs and realizing that you may have been wrong to do that, is not a small thing. It is very easy to reject everything and if you push it too far it is easy to succumb to some sort of nihilism. That’s rarely helpful for yourself or the people around you. You need to find something else to replace those lies that you’ve been fed. What that is, you need to find out for yourself. Take your time, the world can take care of itself for a while. You seem to be the kind of person that likes to figure things out for yourself and that is a good thing. Don’t lose that, and keep an eye out for all the other lies people are trying to sell. But be especially wary of what some dusty old know-it-all on the internet says. Find your own way and try not to lose hope.
It’s not easy keeping it on the wagon, that’s for sure. You think you’re doing well, but a moment of weakness is all it takes sometimes. It gets easier and easier in time but you still need to be vigilant for ever. I fell of the wagon after being clean for three years. That sucked. I was so fucking disappointed with myself. Can’t ever let your guard down. Thinking you’re safe is often the one that gets you. Don’t mean to preach, you know all this already of course. As I said before, you need to find your own way that works for you. Stay strong, I believe in you. If you need to talk, pm me. Now I need to get my beauty sleep. Hasn’t improved my looks much so far, but I keep the hope alive. Cheers.
All the time in the world if you can answer my second question instead. 😀
We’re pretty much in the “find out” phase at this point. It’s not pointless to make an effort to improve the world, but the reality is more and more people are so focused on trying to survive that there’s no energy left.
I turn 44 next month, and the most purchasing power I’ve had was on the first day of my first job a month after 9/11. Newspaper editing was in retrospect a poor industry to go into, but what we faced starting 15 years ago is now what everybody’s facing: the industries willing to pay for experience are niche, those jobs are only available if you met the right people in college, and everyone else is expected to smile and pay more than half their wages to housing.
I know every generation thinks they have things uniquely bad, but for those younger than me, the '80s and '90s were an era where people still bought a house to live in, not as a way to make money in three years. Starter homes were still being built. That’s what we were told to expect. Work your ass off in your 20s and 30s, fix your housing costs and enjoy the income experience nets you.
It’s a farce. My annual raise this year vis-a-vis my rent increase has left me with a singularly shitty choice: food or rent. No, I shouldn’t have to get a roommate decades into my career. No, I shouldn’t need a side hustle. Those are the options people immediately jump to, with comes with a starting proposition of: you don’t deserve the basics your landlord did.
Fuck that. I’m not renewing my apartment lease. I’ll find a vehicle I can live in and deal with the hassles of that instead of the first $20K a year I make after taxes and after insurance going to someone who got into the property market while it was about places to live instead of gambling.
I relay all this because the answer I found is not participating in the parts of society that will never benefit me. The only way I’ve found to lessen the existential dread is to question more and more assumptions that were fed to me growing up.
I’m sorry to not have answered earlier, but I got tied up a bit and also lost a comment to this by being clumsy. Not that used to typing on the phone this much.
I feel you, I really do. It is not easy fending of the existential dread and you do almost anything to not feel it so much, just for a while. The society we live in do not help much and not playing by their rules anymore feels good. Not letting it turn destructive for yourself is the real trick though. Questioning what you’ve been fed your whole life is not an easy process. You’ve built your entire existence on one set of beliefs and realizing that you may have been wrong to do that, is not a small thing. It is very easy to reject everything and if you push it too far it is easy to succumb to some sort of nihilism. That’s rarely helpful for yourself or the people around you. You need to find something else to replace those lies that you’ve been fed. What that is, you need to find out for yourself. Take your time, the world can take care of itself for a while. You seem to be the kind of person that likes to figure things out for yourself and that is a good thing. Don’t lose that, and keep an eye out for all the other lies people are trying to sell. But be especially wary of what some dusty old know-it-all on the internet says. Find your own way and try not to lose hope.
I’ve been sober for a bit over a year. The only thing that’s really changed is I’m now cognizant of how fucked I am at all times.
But I appreciate your reply and thoughts, and no need to apologize for taking a few hours to respond on a website.
It’s not easy keeping it on the wagon, that’s for sure. You think you’re doing well, but a moment of weakness is all it takes sometimes. It gets easier and easier in time but you still need to be vigilant for ever. I fell of the wagon after being clean for three years. That sucked. I was so fucking disappointed with myself. Can’t ever let your guard down. Thinking you’re safe is often the one that gets you. Don’t mean to preach, you know all this already of course. As I said before, you need to find your own way that works for you. Stay strong, I believe in you. If you need to talk, pm me. Now I need to get my beauty sleep. Hasn’t improved my looks much so far, but I keep the hope alive. Cheers.