Hey everyone,
I [28F] need some advice on handling anxiety when job hunting.
Almost a week ago I finished school and I’m once again without work. I’ve been job hunting about 40-50% of my adult life and it has taken a huge toll on my mental health to the point where I’m barely able to apply for jobs anymore. I have gotten a few warnings over the years due to not applying to enough jobs. ( I live in Sweden btw )
I have tried taking breaks.
I have tried waiting for the anxiety to pass.
I have asked so many for advice but it’s like they all give the same default answer. If their advice where enough, I would be a pro at job hunting.
I did get an autism diagnosis a few years back and I do feel better about myself, more confident and understanding of how I work so I think this time around will be different, but it’s like the old anxiety still hangs around and I don’t know how to get rid of it.
Please if you have any advice, I’d love to hear it.
In the U.S. staffing agencies exist for some industries that do most of the application process for you. Is that an option in Sweden for the industries that you are qualified for?
I think we have staffing agencies, but I still need to do an application to them for each job and do interviews and so on.
Have you analyzed what about job hunting specifically is giving you anxiety? EG is it a fear of rejection, something about compiling your life onto a CV, something else I can’t think of?
I don’t think any advice will be helpful unless you can identify what it is that is causing the anxiety.
I think it’s about how perfect and unique each application has to be. But there is only so much variation I can make.
I also think it’s about the bureaucracy itself, if something goes wrong I should have known. Always. because we don’t have civil service liability (as I understand it).
It’s like this whole thing gives me anxiety.So it sounds like maybe your issues are a) needing to challenge your mental rules about the effort that is/isn’t required for the application and b) accepting things that are outside of your control.
For your first issue, why does every application have to be perfect and unique? Yes the general recommendation is to tailor your resume/CV for each role, but if that is causing you so much stress you can’t even apply then don’t. Maybe it would be better to come up with a template you can use for each application. For instance if you are applying for are cashier, server, and front desk type roles maybe you just have a template for each of those roles that you can shoot off when you come across a job that you want to apply for. Don’t let perfection be the enemy of good.
For the second one, that’s tough. At the end of the day you really have to accept that you can’t predict everything. Sometimes things just don’t work out, and the best you can do is use it as a learning experience for the next time. If you can’t manage this on your own with your anxiety, then I second @fodderoh’s suggestion for seeking out a therapist.
I’ve been told multiple times things like:
- if there is a tiny misspelling or wrong grammar it would look like I don’t care for the job.
- the employee knows if the letter is unique, they know by how it’s written.
- the application must stand out from the crowd, nearly everyone looks identical and uninteresting.
Side note: For a while, I had a red panda drawn on my cv in a desperate attempt to be unique, I was quite proud and everyone said it was good. A few years later I think it’s ugly af and I even feel a bit of shame for using it. It feels like everyone lied about it looking good.
I hope the second one will calm down as I get used to being in this system and I know how it will be. I’m having a “start-up” meeting next week.
I wonder if some of your issue is that you are taking the standard advice beyond what is intended. I’m not sure if this will help or hurt with your anxiety issues, but you might want to look up the Ask a Manager blog. She has lots of great resources around developing a good resume, cover letter, and interview tips. Especially in terms of the examples she provides which could be helpful for you to process how to make yourself stand out in a good way.
Best of luck with your meeting next week!
The way to alleviate anxiety is to willingly approach the thing that makes you anxious. Do it in small enough increments that you don’t overwhelm yourself.
As a person with autism (like me) you likely have lower than average working memory. You can expand your working memory by playing Follow That Frog on Lumosity for 60 minutes straight without taking a break.
People will say that Lumosity has no effect but the procedure I described is not the same one they used in the study that concluded Lumosity doesn’t work. Other studies which have used procedures similar to the one I described (60 mins, same game on repeat, no breaks) have shown efficacy.
Be warned that for two or three days after your working memory training session everything will be worse, not better. But once you recover, everything will be better.
Thanks for the advice, I do have a lower working memory, but Limosity costs money and that is something I don’t have right now.
I try to do a bit of job hunting with long breaks in between, taking small steps to make an application, sometimes it can take almost a week to send an application…Here you go, this one’s free: https://www.braingymmer.com/en/brain-games/n_back/play/
A word of warning: For me at least, 60 minutes of training makes my brain feel numb and my working memory is way worse for a couple of days. It feels a lot like being sleep deprived; it’s frustrating how difficult it is to think. Then after a few days it’s the opposite. Everything is easier. But there is that downtime to consider.
But I’ve found if I do a 20-minute session, I get a little boost in performance without any discernable downtime at all.
I highly recommend that at some point you do a 60-minute session, if only to feel the contrast in working memory before and after. But you have to be able to handle a couple days of feeling stupid and slow.
But if you’ve got a lot going on and no downtime, no days where you can afford to be lazy and slow and recover, the smaller sessions are probably better.
wow, thanks! I am already constantly tired so I think I’ll start slow
Edit: I did it for roughly 5min and my brain is already mushy
I’m kind of in the same boat. In my 30’s. I feel like I spent half of my adult life looking for work instead of actually working.
I kind of hit a breaking point when I realized I was playing someone else’s (figurative) game; this person (figuratively) held all the cards and I lost each and every time.
So I stopped playing their game. I’ve found I’m very good at coming across as disarming. Once people meet me face-to-face (even over a video call or phone call) any preconceived notions they had go out the window and I have the opportunity to flip the power dynamic because I earn their trust quickly.
So recently I decided to build my own chess board (again, figuratively). I stopped applying for jobs. Instead, I focused on connecting with people first. So then I applied for work only as a housekeeping step once the employer/client and I are in agreement that I’ll be on board for a certain position or role. Obviously in 99% of cases organizations don’t like this. They want to funnel me into a system. Well, sucks for them. If they set aside their corporate ego and start a conversation I’d be able to help them.
I hope this perspective helps.
I’m a man, so I’m sure as a woman you’re going to come against a lot of backlash as far as appearing too aggressive. I’d actually see this as a good thing since it means you’re standing on your own and not taking s***t.
My advice, for what it’s worth…pay attention to what’s causing the anxiety. You have the power to change it, but (as a fellow neurodivergent) you might have to step on some toes to do so (correction–you will have to step on some toes). Keep steadying on!
Wow that sounds like a big realization.
Does “applied for work only as a housekeeping step” mean you applied to jobs because you’re forced to? We have the same in Sweden, if I want any income at all I have to apply to at least 6 jobs every month.I think my anxiety with this boils down to two things: How perfect and unique every application “has” to be and also the bureaucracy itself.
I really hate stepping on toes but I guess that’s part of life, more or less.
I have also recently realized how important networking is. I’m putting much more energy into trying to connect to people around me, adding them on LinkedIn, and stuff like that. During school we had a discord server for our class and I’m thinking about letting the classes “below” us in as well, (we were first) so we can create a network with a base on the same education. I think I’ll have to coordinate that with the school, I should send them a mail soon.
I also want to be a part of a kind of meetup thing were we host small events once or twice a month but I’ve never done something like that before and I don’t even know where to begin 😅
Those are typically the rules for unemployment/self-employment in the States. Since I haven’t been “officially” employed for well over 5 years, this isn’t the case for me. If work doesn’t come in, it doesn’t come in–I don’t have the trappings that come with having a job.
For me I was talking about when each job has a “process.” Step 1 is put in the job application. Not anymore (for me–if I had to fulfill a job app quota that would be another matter)! Step 1 would be initially contacting someone. Putting in the job app would just be for HR to make me official.
oooh I see. Now I understand! Thanks!
What has worked for me and may or may not help you (also lived in Sweden) is that I write down questions to ask and I go through them multiple times. I also write down questions I think they will ask and then answer them in a very thoughtful way so I can later deliver them in a shorter version but till get a across what I want. I also bring the notebook with me so I can read them at the interview or take notes. Taking notes are great if they have a multiple stages kind of interviews.
Also I put myself in the mind set of “this interview is for me and them to get to know each other and get a feeling if this is for me”. That kinda removes a lot of the stress. I am there for me and my self and here to interview them as much as they are there to interview me. Also many first check the personality, my current job told me later that after the interview they ask everyone “would I like to hang out with this person”. Many good bosses have said “personality can’t or is hard to change and knowledge and experience is something you can easily obtain”.
So you should also try to see if the workplace you try to be hired as is even a nice place for you to be at. I have so far liked small companies the best with 20 to 50 employees.
I have been on the other side of the table to (not in the room but helped my coworkers and asked them questions about the interview afterwards) and a lot of them are just as nervous or unprepared as the one seeking the job.
My dad told me that he thinks like this when he is holding a meeting for higher ups “they all shit in the same bathroom as me today”. I don’t know if that helps but it is kinda the same things as I what I tried to say above. Good luck! :D
God morgon 😊
I often get this feeling that if I don’t get this job I’m gonna end up homeless and die. So it’s practically life or death. Which is not true of course.
I’ve tried the notebook thing before, (it didn’t go well as I didn’t write fast enough) but maybe I should give it a go again! The only times I’ve asked the interviewer questions back have been to requesting companies and they seem to have very little knowledge about the company they work for.
Maybe a part of my job hunting is bad luck? That and just nervousness/anxiety.That is so true but I have a really hard time relaxing at an interview, I think next time I might ask to have at least part of the interview in another setting than their office. I think the context might make me extra nervous. After my autism diagnosis, I’ve learned I’m probably very understimulated during interviews.
I’ll try to keep this in mind, I’m in a new chapter of my life, and things will be different.Smaller companies often seem to be more cozy than big ones, I agree.
I got a feeling that you might be a developer so I did check your other comments on Lemmy and saw that you’re working fullstack. I just graduated as a frontend dev at a ‘YH-utbildning’.Thank you for your insights!
Oh and also I don’t write in the notebook because I have to but as a way to help the future me out. So I write only enough words to actually know what it was and then after the interview will I add more info if needed. If it stress you out then it kinda defeats the point of it. But also you will get better at it, for every time you do it you will be even better! And asking questions is a great way to learn to talk without being in the centrum of attention. I try to make them talk as much as possible and then tell them if I agree or not with what they said. You seem to have learned a lot about yourself which is great! That is a big step! Now you just need to experiment and find the best way for you to get to your goal :D you are doing great already, and that is something that is difficult for one self to notice. the harshest criticism comes from our self. I just started learning driving a unicycle and first didn’t I think I did any progress then my friend (who helped me the 2 time) pointed out how much better I got all the time so now I think about that everytime I do something great and then give my self a little cheer.
If you are in Stockholm then I know netlight hire ppl who have no work experience. Pretty much everyone there started working there after school as their first job. They focus on frontend. I haven’t worked there but have a friend who do and love it. You will be a consult and I think that is a great first job because you will get a lot of different job experiences. But it isn’t for everyone, but you can talk to them and see if it would fit you :D
I write a lot. I am so bad at keeping it short. I hope it isn’t too much for you 😂
I do have a LinkedIn account and I already have about 70 contacts, and I try to stay active and comment when I see fit, all to get seen. I also do this thing where I visit the profile of a bunch of people in a company after sending an application in hopes of them seeing the connection, and small things like that.
Academic Work is on my list of websites to update, so I’ll give it some extra time to see if the same support is available. Thanks!
I’m not good at writing and listening at the same time 😅
I’m not in Stockholm unfortunately, I’m in a fairly small place called Arvika in Värmland. I think Oslo is a bit closer than Stockholm haha
I’m open to moving tho, but I’m not sure how to get a decent apartment in or close to Stockholm, I have a partner and two cats so I can’t take just anythingSounds like you do a great job! So far have you done pretty much everything I given advice on and a looot more haha
You sound very ambitious and that will always end well :D
Sounds like it is more about demand then anything else. Arvika is very small and all the other “cities” in Värmland is not bigger. Like Karlstad you ride a bike through that city in no time 😂
Prices depends a lot on where in Stockholm you want to live. In the inner city will it always be expensive but just a bit outside like 30 min with subway or bus will it be a lot more reasonable. Even 15 min with subway can take down the price a lot.
Gothenburg, can also be a choice. A lot of IT companies are ok with remote work. I live and work in Stockholm but I travel only to our hq on Wednesdays (if I am not at a customers office). So you could travel to the office only once a month (or less). We have some that lived pretty far away (almost as far as Arvika) that only comes over on bigger events and some who travel a bit more often for the smaller events. But in my opinion is it a lot more fun to have coworkers so once a week for me is the minimum, but we are all different :D
Thank you! I’ve build my ways over the years to keep track of everything 😅
We have like 3 companies with developers (Tickster is among them, kinda cool) but there are a lot more companies in Karlstad, it’s tiny compared to Stockholm but it’s still a fairly big city. A few years back I counted to around 40 companies of interest.
30min commuting distance isn’t bad at all! How is it to actually get an apartment? I’ve heard there are long waitinglists and you’ll rent in 3rd or event 4th or 5th hand. Sometimes short periods a time jumping from apartment to apartment?
I’m one of those who really like to go to the office, I like to go every day. I feel like I’m going to go crazy if I’m home to much 😆
Oh that is pretty good! I thought it would be a lot more worse.
It is much easier to buy an apartment, I have never rented because of that. I went for a new built apartment so I didn’t even need to fight for it haha. The queue system that is the hardest is for Stockholm stad where ppl sign up the day they turn 18. There are many others. Like HSB, where you save up points to be used for buying or renting. My Friends have mostly got a first hand contract but some got a second hand and then used that time to find a first hand and some just make sure they are in a relationship at all times 😂
my understanding is that if you got time then you can find a first hand contract but if you are a bit more in a hurry is second hand a lot more common. If you have someone who can “gå i borgen” for you then that will also help out a lot. I save money at hsb so if I ever want to buy anything from them or rent in the future then I can do that. Plus hsb is everywhere and seem to be the easiest to be apart of, but so far do I like where I live and I don’t think I will move unless I need to get something bigger :D and also once you got a first hand contract or your own apartment are you all set. I have many friends who rent who trade their apartments for something else when needed so they don’t have to stand in the queue again.
Yea we have those kind of ppl too. We recently moved and they started using the new office (it is not done yet) the day they had access even tho it is so messy right now, like some rooms have no lamps for example 😂
ooh I see, I never knew it was easier to buy, and it can’t be hard to sell in such a big city, right? So that won’t be a huge risk.
I should check if I can get a loan for an apartment and how that works.ooh I see, well if I move to Stockholm or Gothenburg it will probably be pretty fast as it’s for a job unless I can work from home the first month or so. I will look into HSB too, I have a list with housing queues too. I like lists…
Smart to trade apartments! You know a lot about this.
ahaha omg maybe that’s a bit too much even for me! It must be hard to concentrate in that environment!
