Some background:
I am a 35 year old male with a 2 year old son. I was diagnosed this year after a lifetime of struggling and becoming a parent exacerbating my traits.
Today I had an appointment with my son’s speech therapist, because he’s still not talking more than a couple words. The appointment is unstructured play and interaction including mimicking him, waiting for his cues, etc. The problem is, I can’t pick up on communication cues or read what to do next. I can’t communicate with him like a normal parent and I feel like I’m holding him back.
The therapist had to guide me as much as she had to guide him. This was my first time meeting her, and it was all overwhelming and overstimulating. I was fighting back tears half the time and I couldn’t keep and make eye contact as well as my 2 year old. 😭
I feel like my kid is going to be stunted because of my issues. I’m newly divorced and I’m doing my best so my wife doesn’t take him from because “I care for him, but can’t care for him.”
I struggle without routines and children are chaos. I am excluded by other parents because I’m weird or different, and they keep their kids away from us when playing at the park. I want him to be able to socialize and have friends and his autistic monster father gets in the way.
Everything is always so overwhelming and I struggle to not have panic attacks. How am I supposed to help when he gets to school? I have trouble with numbers and can’t do math😭😭
I just feel like giving up. I don’t know what to do
Glad you said this because I initially came to say the same thing. The line “I want him to be able to socialize and have friends and his autistic monster father gets in the way” was so sad to read because to that kid their dad is their dad and one of the primary centers of their world. They don’t see a monster. Socialization and social growth will come for the little one.
To OP: Just give them love and continue to invest in their growth and development, and continue seeking professional help as appropriate. And don’t forget to give yourself grace and space. Give yourself the space to grow and learn and make mistakes, and grace when you do make mistakes or have days when everything feels like it’s falling apart.