I try to be as cis passing as possible most of the time. If I don’t feel like I’m passing I isolate. Still in the process of getting all of the physical effects of transitioning and it’s exhausting and physically uncomfortable to conceal certain body parts but you gotta do what ya gotta do.
Got misgendered today for the first time in a while. For some damn reason I change my voice between girl or man completely subconsciously depending on the person I meet. I think it’s a safeguard against potential transphobia or something because it’s 100% not intentional. I fuckin hate it. Subconscious cues or some shit to protect myself in my small ass rural southern town where everybody knows my family or is related to me somehow (I’m moving in September, thank God. The person who misgendered me I’d never met but knew my family). I’m sensitive AF to that kind of stuff and want to avoid it as much as possible (of course, while consuming transphobic media so that I can prepare myself for every possible thing).
I feel such an aversion to talking about being trans to anyone irl because I’m afraid they’ll potentially be transphobic or view me differently. Feels embarrassing, shameful on some level because of the culture I was raised in and the media I consumed.
I also subconsciously switch my voice around certain people. I can do a really good fem voice when I’m at home in my room, but as soon as I know others are listening it immediately becomes more masculine. I’m getting better at doing it around my family, but anytime I’m in public my masc voice comes out and it is so frustrating and dysphoric. I never understood why I did it, but subconsciously trying to hide that I’m trans makes sense, although I look very fem now so my masc voice really isn’t helping me.
(of course, while consuming transphobic media so that I can prepare myself for every possible thing)
Hun, I think this might be doing you more harm than good. Unfortunately we can’t completely avoid the hurt we’ll face in life because we’re trans. But you can avoid consuming that media, and save yourself that hurt. It’s not going to help you grow a thicker skin. If anything, it will only take away your emotional capacity for when things like today happen. I’m really sorry you got misgendered, but you sound really strong and I know you’ve got this until you move! 💪
I’ve been trying to work on it and have been doing better with it than I used to. The damage has been done, but healing is a process that takes a while. It’s definitely a form of digital self harm.
I’m glad to hear that you’ve been working on it, and you’re right, healing is a process. I used to do it a lot too so I understand. There is also unfortunately times where it can be pertinent to see what new ways to preach hate people are coming up with. Good luck, and please keep taking care of yourself <3
Oof, I feel the “everyone knows my family” part… I work the same area/career in which my dad is well known, it’s seriously the main reason I haven’t even considered starting to transition or coming out. The joking behind people’s backs would be unstoppable and I hate it, and it would probably shoot both of our careers in the foot even if he is supportive, or be outright hostile if he isnt.
I try to be as cis passing as possible most of the time. If I don’t feel like I’m passing I isolate. Still in the process of getting all of the physical effects of transitioning and it’s exhausting and physically uncomfortable to conceal certain body parts but you gotta do what ya gotta do.
Got misgendered today for the first time in a while. For some damn reason I change my voice between girl or man completely subconsciously depending on the person I meet. I think it’s a safeguard against potential transphobia or something because it’s 100% not intentional. I fuckin hate it. Subconscious cues or some shit to protect myself in my small ass rural southern town where everybody knows my family or is related to me somehow (I’m moving in September, thank God. The person who misgendered me I’d never met but knew my family). I’m sensitive AF to that kind of stuff and want to avoid it as much as possible (of course, while consuming transphobic media so that I can prepare myself for every possible thing).
I feel such an aversion to talking about being trans to anyone irl because I’m afraid they’ll potentially be transphobic or view me differently. Feels embarrassing, shameful on some level because of the culture I was raised in and the media I consumed.
I also subconsciously switch my voice around certain people. I can do a really good fem voice when I’m at home in my room, but as soon as I know others are listening it immediately becomes more masculine. I’m getting better at doing it around my family, but anytime I’m in public my masc voice comes out and it is so frustrating and dysphoric. I never understood why I did it, but subconsciously trying to hide that I’m trans makes sense, although I look very fem now so my masc voice really isn’t helping me.
Hun, I think this might be doing you more harm than good. Unfortunately we can’t completely avoid the hurt we’ll face in life because we’re trans. But you can avoid consuming that media, and save yourself that hurt. It’s not going to help you grow a thicker skin. If anything, it will only take away your emotional capacity for when things like today happen. I’m really sorry you got misgendered, but you sound really strong and I know you’ve got this until you move! 💪
I’ve been trying to work on it and have been doing better with it than I used to. The damage has been done, but healing is a process that takes a while. It’s definitely a form of digital self harm.
I’m glad to hear that you’ve been working on it, and you’re right, healing is a process. I used to do it a lot too so I understand. There is also unfortunately times where it can be pertinent to see what new ways to preach hate people are coming up with. Good luck, and please keep taking care of yourself <3
Oof, I feel the “everyone knows my family” part… I work the same area/career in which my dad is well known, it’s seriously the main reason I haven’t even considered starting to transition or coming out. The joking behind people’s backs would be unstoppable and I hate it, and it would probably shoot both of our careers in the foot even if he is supportive, or be outright hostile if he isnt.