21M, my life right now is such a mess.
My childhood feels deficient in some things, I really want to move out, my life is spread over multiple countries and I can’t decide how to fit each into my future, I’m struggling & demotivated at university, and I’ve had no success dating and just can’t figure out why.
I have a long term plan to get myself out of this but I’m afraid that the plan may prioritize the wrong things or be naively ambitious or specific. I’m AuDHD and seeing as it was my thinking that got me into this mess, my plan to fix it is probably riddled with the same mistakes. Which would mean I’d stay stuck where I am.
What would really help me is to consult my plan with a wise person who has watched many people’s life trajectories and who would be able to advise me on what parts of my plan are naive or likely to fail. Since I am AuDHD, I also need someone who will alert me to the sorts of narrow-minded ways of thinking that got me to where I am, because I am obviously blind to these. Or maybe the problem is that I think too much altogether. I can ask for individual pieces of advice on Lemmy but I’m looking for someone who would look at my life in a more holistic way.
What sort of person would be able to help me? I have tried coaching but coaches seem to focus more on CBT and have lacked the wisdom that I am looking for here.
As others have said here, it sounds like you’re looking for probably a psychologist or maybe a psychiatrist.
Also keep in mind that nobodies an expert in everything, especially probably not in all the things a single random individual would need them to be, so you’re probably going to be better served splitting these questions up between multiple people, while a good psychologist would be the more holistic sounding board to help you work through decisions you’re struggling with or second guessing. For example, a psychologist probably isn’t going to have really deep insight into breaking in to something like the Computer Science field, or whatever you’re in to. Taking that further, they probably really aren’t going to be able to advise you when you decide you’re really interested in Cybersecurity, then Offensive Cybersecurity specifically, then even more specifically weaponizing custom kernel exploits. Ideally you’d want to find a mentor in the field you’re in for that kind of advice.
Also, as others have said, your 20s are going to be messy for most people. Fuck, at 20 I was in an Infantry battalion and thought I was going to make a career in the Corps. At 21 I was a raging alcoholic popping oxys and percs just to get to sleep, and thought I was going to make a career out of being a mechanic. At 24 I was back in school not knowing wtf I wanted to do. At 28 I was in IT, thinking I’d be a network engineer and eventually architect. At 30 I was in a SOC thinking I’d do SOC analyst shit for my entire career. At 32 I was in offensive cybersecurity. Shit is going to change on you, you just have to lean into the roll and stay moving forward with it. If you told me at 21 I’d be doing what I’m doing now I’d have laughed in your face then gone pack to crushing up my oxy and passing out on the couch with my Newport cherry dangerously close to burning down the entire house. Set your big goals, but focus on the smallest steps forward to achieve them and reassess your goals after every few steps you take.