Firstly: I’m reasonably sure these women are just kvetching. I often say ‘I’d rather drink piss’ to express that I don’t like something. Obviously I’m not actually going to drink piss.
Secondly…I do agree it’s a bit much to compare men to a deadly 1200 pound predator. I would be a bit fed up of hearing that too if I were a guy.
Thirdly…that said…I understand WHY women say that even if it’s a bit ridiculous. I’ve had a male friend completely turn on a dime and send me rape threats while drunk. I pleaded and tried to reason with him for about 20 minutes before I completely snapped and threatened to do things to him with a hunting knife that I won’t detail because there’s no need to make people vomit. Only then did he back off and switch to making excuses and blaming his autism. It was terrifying because there was no reasoning with him. He LIKED that I was frightened and freaked out. It gave him a pleasurable power rush. The only reason he backed off was the threat of said hunting knife.
A bear isn’t malicious. A bear just wants to eat. A bear can be redirected or avoided. You can do things such as wear a bell or carry mace or put up an electric fence around a tent. A man isn’t necessarily malicious but IF he is…those precautions won’t do jack poopsies because he consciously knows the woman doesn’t want it and LIKES the act of stomping on boundaries.
The plot here is that I recognize my fear as patently ridiculous and am working on myself to try and allay it, rather than shitting on all women everywhere. Being constantly told that I’m more terrifying than X, Y, or Z thing because of my sex is one of the main contributors to my exceedingly low self-esteem and suggests to me that society at large believes I deserve everything that’s happened to me.
You know, kinda like “look what she was wearing” does for a rape survivor.
Men are human beings, just like you.
Okay, but the difference here is that it is NOT patently ridiculous for women to be afraid of men. Like, you have to ignore statistics, history and all sorts of lived experiences to say this. My anecdotal memories aside, there is a reason SO MANY WOMEN are saying “the bear”. It’s not something that women need to work on, it’s not them just shitting on men, it’s the reality of how our patriarchal world works. Women aren’t just bitching about feeling like victims, we ARE.
I feel for you, I truly do. But I really need you to take a step outside of your perspective and understand why these “man vs bear” discussions are being had. I am truly sorry that a trait you were born with is making you feel attacked, but that is also the lived experience of women as well. Women did not chose to be statiscal targets of violence, but its the world we occupy.
And this entirely seperate how self esteem, and physical safety, just aren’t the same ballpark. This is just a different flavor of “Critical race theroy is racism because it makes white people feel bad”, which like, yeah white feelings (and yours) are valid and you are entitled to them. But that’s just the context of people talking about how our unfair world attacks different people differently. All of us have problems, but to say they are all equivalent is naive and selfish. Your “not all men” argument is preventing you from understanding the lived reality of women. Of COURSE not all men are rapists, but enough (backed by statics) are that its dangerous for women to NOT openly acknowledge and discuss it.
I think the better way to improve your self esteem, instead of coming to this thread to call women/me misandrist (aka “BLM are the REAL racist”) is to actually tend to your own strengths and know that if you are not a rapist. Then women aren’t talking about you. We don’t know each other, I was never talking about you. Coming to say “this is sexist against men because I am feeling targeted” does nothing to further the conversation, except trying to put your own fears in front of others. This isn’t the time or space for that! You should have that space absolutely! But I can’t help you with your self esteem, lashing out at me because you feel targeted by my fears, is making your self esteem the target. When you are literally putting forward your sense of worth to be the focus of conversation as opposed to the system of patriarchy, then of COURSE you self esteem is affected.
So maybe stop injecting yourself into the conversation and focus on things that actually improve your life? Because I really doubt coming to this thread upset and angry did anything productive for ya.
If I were to say “I’d rather face down a bear than be near a black person,” you’d rightfully call me a racist.
Nope, all it did was put me in contact with someone who wants to justify their own closed-minded bigotry by dismissing other people’s lived experiences and further convince me that the world would be better off if I killed myself.
But fuck male fee fees, they’re a myth anyway, right? There’s no man that’s safe to be around and society changes too slowly, so it’s best for everyone that they should be quarantined or exterminated.
Your words. Not mine. I literally said the exact opposite SEVERAL TIMES.
Go reread your first comment in this thread. You literally came here to dismiss. I’ve also told you that your fears are valid, so I don’t really see where you get off saying this.
Nope, and I am sorry you feel this way. The world is better with you in it. I survived my own suicide attempts a decade and my life is happier than I ever imagined. Please seek therapy, this isn’t something the I or the internet can help you with.
I did my best to make this a productive discussion, I really have. I’ve met your anger with nuance and repeated validation. But I don’t see how to proceed anymore. Please stop trying to invalidate womens lived experinces, and take your self esteem and self harm ideation to a professional.
There was no chance of a productive discussion with you because you’re fully convinced that your mindset is the only valid one. Why else would you so completely dismiss the views of the people that are being actively harmed by this shit? You didn’t want a discussion, you just wanted me to stop causing you cognitive dissonance so you can keep telling yourself you’re right.
You’re a bigot in an academic’s clothes. This whole conversation, your slavish devotion to “the statistics” have made you sound like far-right-wingers do when they talk about Black people. “10% of the population but they commit 35% of the crime so I’m right to be afraid of them.”
That’s not the sentiment you’ve been conveying by lumping me and billions of other innocent men in with the small percentage of us that are subhuman filth.
Because it does not match observable reality.
Sorry, but I’m blocking you now because this doesn’t seem healthy to engage with anymore. I’m sure you will take that as confirmation of me running away from “cognitive dissonance” but I can’t in good consciousness be the outlet for your outbursts about ideation.
Please seek better ways of improving your self esteem than finding threads to be angry in. It’s a form of self harm.
Im gonna be fair here and point out that I think he has a point: male on female sexual predation at least has some awareness and laws about it. Female on male is a hidden epidemic. Most countries don’t legally recognize that men can even be raped.
And I’ve countlessly agreed that it is a problem and that any man has the right to feel upset and/or scared about it. Including and especially him. I just don’t think that’s a good basis for saying women are inherently sexist if they are wary of being alone with a random man. His logic is based that since he feels the need to “work on getting over it” (his words), women should get over it in regards to men. It’s a false equivalency.
Without question the legal framework in a lot of countries is out of date and toxic masculinity traits that makes men uncomfortable with seeking help after assaults needs to be addressed. But that’s a very different situation from the reason women feel unsafe around men, a NOT AT ALL HIDDEN epidemic.
Yea that much I agree with. I’m not going to ‘work on overcoming’ wariness of someone who is not only bigger and stronger than me but also more durable and faster and more coordinated and has a faster reaction time and even produces more adrenaline than I do.
Your “observable reality” is based on heavily skewed statistics and anecdotes.