My family tends to be sprinkled throughout the different levels. My wife, grandmother and son, easily number 1 in support of my transition and identity.
Many of my cousins I grew up with are level 2.
Father and stepmother are level 5 - possibly level 6 when I was a child - still figuring that one out as new traumas surface.
Everyone else hovers around 3 - 5.
Just remember, I’ll always be a level 1 for you ❤️
Level 1: completely supportive
Level 2: mostly supportive but lacking some knowledge, or some transmedicalist attitudes due to ignorance, not malignancy
Level 3: neutral, not supportive but not opposing either, or “supportive” transmedicalist
Level 4: leaning oppose, but no forceful interventions, or refuse to gende you correctly but used neutral pronouns
Level 5: misgendering, not accepting you as their daughter or son, but still pretend to be “loving” misgendered you
Level 6: disowning or physically beating or etc, most extreme measures
(Stolen, with love, from the user Cormier643 on Reddit. Felt like this was a great way to get discussions going again ❤️)
-Olivia ✌🏻
Do you think your wife refuses to use your preferred pronouns, because it forces her to re-assess her own sexuality?
Even if your partner is supportive otherwise, unless they are bi or pansexual to beginn with, I can imagine, that this is a difficult part when your straight relationship suddenly changes into a queer one or vice versa over your partners transition.
So she’s bi, and probably she/they agender.
On the sexuality side, she thinks that homosexuality is immoral because certain Bible verses seem to condemn it (she would word that much more strongly), so she’d be much happier if I was content to transition to he/they feminine man. I, on the other hand, would love to jump straight from hiding behind my he/him masc to living she/her full time, the transition itself and being visibly trans scares me.
On the gender side, she feels that her soul isn’t gendered, that she’d feel equally at home in a male body, and feels that if I’m a woman because I feel like a woman, she can’t be a woman because her genderless soul happened to be poured into a woman. I told her she’s allowed to be a woman for different reasons than I’m a woman, and she didn’t like that. I told her I would happily use they/them pronouns and had no issues perceiving her as genderless, but she didn’t want that, either.
So yeah we are cracking all this open and we pick up one tiny piece of this mess and chew on it and discuss it for like a week, decide we can’t agree, put it back down and try a different piece.
We are seeing a therapist next month, but Christian therapists who specialize in gender issues are really really rare, so it’s a one time consultation instead of someone we can go back to.
I’m sorry, you are going through this. When believe systems and religion comes into it, something that can’t be reasoned with or logically worked through, it all becomes so much more complicated.
I’m happy for you, that you both seem to be committed to work through it and I hope you eventually find a place between you, that you can be both happy and fulfilled with.
You are doing great. Keep going. Don’t forget you are worthy of your happiness. Don’t let the hard parts of life dimm your shine. You are strong, you are beautiful, you are loved.