I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition. I do not fault my former partner, she did what she felt she had to do to be happy. Unfortunately, turns out, I didn’t really have any friends of my own, I was just a hanger-on to her group. I have done a bad job of keeping in touch with anyone outside of this group, and I find myself very lonely nowadays.
Things have been tough for me for this and several other reasons the last couple years, and while I am incredibly thankful for my family taking me back in and supporting me while I get back on my feet, they can’t be the only people I interact with. That said, how does one actually accomplish this? I’m pushing 40, I live in a rural area (30 minute drive to anything that isn’t run and populated by out-and-out racists), and I’m broke as hell. I’m not particularly even interested in dating, just making some new friends and not being so lonely all the time. Where can you go and what can you do nowadays that doesn’t cost a bunch of money and people are willing to talk to strangers? Internet or IRL, I suppose, but IRL is better because God I need to get out of the house more.
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Step 1 - Move to Cleveland.
That’s it. There is no step 2. Everytime I leave the house, all I hear is “Oh, hey! I like your jacket!” Or “Heeeey, you know what time it is!!!” (as said as I’m carrying a 24 pack).
Or “Whats goin’ on my brotha from anotha motha???”
I’m not particularly social, so I just fake my way through these interactions. But it’s my understanding that 260K people (or whatever Cleveland has) are all one big social group, and we all go out drinking every day.
Except I don’t really like being around strangers. So I just power through and get home quickly. But I’m sure you could have a 2 hour talk with any rando on the street.
short question - do you mean Cleveland, OH, or Cleveland, TN, or Cleveland, TX, or Cleveland, GA?
Cleveland is actually located in a pocket dimension. Ohio, Tennessee, Texas, and Georgia (US) have portals into the Cleveland dimension.
Fun fact: Cleveland is named so because a wizard cleaved a rift in space-time and built a city inside the cleave.
Yes.
I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition.
How weird, I’m going through the same exact thing as you. In my case I do have a circle of independent friends, but I’ve had trouble going from “friends” to “close friends”. Honestly what I discovered was, that was my own doing. It’s really easy to keep things on the surface with people, and not tell them what you are really struggling with.
Over the past few months I made a commitment to start being more open with my friends, and it’s really opened my eyes to 1) how wonderful they are as people, and 2) how much people are willing to open up to you once you show them that you’re willing to be a “trusted person”.
Anyway this isn’t what you asked, the way I met them was always through hobbies (music, martial arts), or friends of friends. I know you mentioned money is tight, so a hiking group or book club might be examples. You already know this, but IRL always beats online, atleast for me. Something about seeing other humans nourishes the soul in a way I can’t quite understand.
Pick any hobby that have group classes and show up consistently. Can be exercise, pottery or whatever. Regulars notice each other and you’ll be in the “regular” category very fast.
Then go for a beer on Fridays or after practice or whatever and then take it from there.
This sounds horrible to me, getting out there, interacting with strangers, but it is the truth. You can’t just “make friends”, or rather you can, but to “make” anything, a cake, a house, a friend, it takes time and effort.
That’s the beauty of it, you don’t have to interact with anyone and if you want to become anonymous again just pick another hobby. However, if you get interested and don’t want to quit the hobby you already have stuff to discuss that you’re interested in.
Community college. Took a few classes I never would have normally chosen like art or acting. I was a stay at home introvert who was way past college days, so I couldn’t figure out how to put myself into social situations. But I do like to learn, so signed myself up for some night classes. Ended up dating a few people, made new friends, and married one of them. Night classes bring in the adults who have to work during the day, a few kids too, but I met just about every age group from young to very old. Study groups, group projects, anything that will involve working with or helping classmates, or anything that you think is interesting really. Have life long friends now because of that decision.
Go back to where you first learned how to make friends, go back to school.
I just had a conversation about this, among other things. The thing is: we have no idea. Also I don’t think Reddit-for-nerds (Lemmy) is that great of a place to ask this.
If you do get an answer, act upon it, and it works, please remember me and tell me.
Some years ago reddit was the reddit for nerds. The demographic probably has shifted more towards normies by now.
