I have given up trying to find a girlfriend. Even though, I am outgoing, have hobbies (I dance, which is actually filled with women), go to parties, talk to plenty of women. But I keep hearing the same thing over and over again: “I am just not so into skinny guys.”

I think this is fair from the woman’s perspective. I for one am only motivated to date attractive women. So, them not wanting to settle for less actually makes very good sense to me. There is absolutely no hate or bitterness regarding that. Fuck all that: ‘all women are whores’-noise.

That being said, I think I should just consider myself celibate by virtue of my own standards. But now bitterness is starting to take hold of me. Bitterness about my life and to me as a person. As I said I am very outgoing and don’t want to become the cynical asshole around my friends.

So how do I stop this?

Edit: I go to the gym on a regular basis.

  • cosmicrookie@lemmy.world
    4·
    2 months ago

    Dude… from your interactions in here, i am beginning to not like you either. If i was a woman that you’re talking to, using your outter looks to reject your personality is maybe more gentle than saying you treat people like npcs or that you are annoying.

    • VirtualOdour@sh.itjust.works
      2·
      2 months ago

      Yeah, couldn’t agree more. He doesn’t sound like he even likes women, just feels he should own one and probably wants regular sex (on his terms only). I almost feel guilty writing a post trying to help him.

      • throwaway@discuss.onlineOP
        2·
        2 months ago

        English is not my first language, so maybe I didn’t explain it all that well. I rarely ever even flirt with women because I’m afraid it will make them uncomfortable. I, as any other person, seek companionship. I know it sounds shallow to put emphasis on looks. But no matter which way I shake it it is an important factor to me. I can tell myself it’s not but it just is. I can’t change myself in that regard. So in order to not make anyone feel uncomfortable I ask for help. Again, not just for my own sake but also for theirs.

    • throwaway@discuss.onlineOP
      2·
      2 months ago

      I don’t know what to tell you. I only blame myself for being this way. As I said I am the only one that’s to blame. I do not deny that. I think my bitterness about my life is unfounded. I do not want to feel this way. Not to gain favours from women but for myself. For that I ask help. That’s it. Sorry you feel this way.

      • RBWells@lemmy.world
        21·
        2 months ago

        I wonder though. Two things - one, I think you probably look better than you think, if you dance and go to the gym I’m sure you are already in good shape and not too skinny. You probably look better than you think, it’s normal to see yourself with a hypercritical eye, try to look in the mirror and pretend it’s someone else. And as someone else mentioned, ask for feedback from your friends, who see you more objectively.

        Two - what kind of looks, that you think are so far off from yours? I mean, if you are finding plenty of women who meet your standards, maybe this is a misapprehension and you are not as picky as you think, nor as far apart in looks from those you find attractive . If you have impossible standards, that’s certainly something to work on, but maybe you are just thinking about this in a way that makes it feel impossible when it’s not.

        It can never hurt to take a step away for awhile and just work on yourself though. Be a person who you like, keep doing the things you love and enjoy them, let go of trying to date for a time, be nice to yourself.