We are normally good at masking bc its expected of us but I am so tired of it. I’m so tired of having to pretend like I’m someone I’m not.
Then when we mess up and let our guard down or make a mistake and accidentally show people we are ND, we get dogpiled or yelled at. It sucks especially bc we sometimes don’t understand social mores, so even when we are confident that we are acting the way NTs expect us to, we can end up wrong and still get yelled at.
It’s awful bc we are never gonna create a more equitable society if we can’t have these types of conversations with NTs. We have to show them that bring ND isn’t an insult, but that’s when we get yelled at or made fun of.
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I can’t think of any well balanced person who would yell at someone who is neurodivergent for simply behaving in a way that is neurodivergent. Can you give an example of something like this happening? It could be very possible that you’ve just surrounded yourself with the wrong people, or you’ve inadvertently caused someone harm (really the only excusable reason to yell at someone).
Similar, but in a past job, I didn’t pick up on some cues, treated a coworker like how I treat everyone, and I got yelled at by them. They told me to respect the hierarchy and that I’m not his equal - I was training for a higher position at the time. I was later let go for other reasons they wouldn’t mention.
I basically listed a bunch of reasons I think Taylor Swift could be neurodivergent on the Swiftie discord server and got completely dogpiled, even tho I did it as tactfully as possible. It happens all the time tho like when I forget something or am not on the same wavelength as my NT wife and she gets frustrated with me for not understanding something.
You shouldn’t diagnose people you don’t know
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I’m sorry you had to experience that on discord. Unfortunately the internet has become a forum for everyone’s worst behavior. I think this might be a good metaphor or why masking is sort of pushed on neurodivergent individuals. Imagine the impossible task of uniformly cleaning up everyone’s behavior online. It’s probably one of the most persistent issues experienced online. Instead of changing everyone’s behavior, you change your own to avoid those types of uncomfortable situations. It’s the online version of real world masking. It’s unfortunate and really sucks and I wish it was different, but most humans are wired a certain way, and changing that wiring is equivalent to rewiring human nature, and if we could do that, the world would be a much different place.
As to the situation with your wife, I have this issue as a NT living with my NT wife and I don’t know a person alive who doesn’t. You’ll need to evaluate that situation alone because every relationship is different.
My dude, as an elder millennial living with ADHD, I feel like you diagnosing TSwift over there internet is pretty cringeworthy. When you say “… reasons I think Taylor Swift could be ND” you are basically diagnosing her which is weird. Period. Nothing to do with ADHD. Don’t go diagnosing people.
There are a couple of other things to say that just sound better. Think about 1) what you are trying to tell people and 2) why your perspective is interesting. It sounds like you are trying to talk about behaviors you see in Taylor that you identify with, and (2) you identify as neurodivergent (ADHD).
You can make the same post along those lines, and I think you would get a much better response.
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I don’t want you to feel like you’re being dogpiled, cause I don’t think anyone here is like, upset with you.
But Taylor Swift fans are like, the exact opposite kind of crowd for that type of message. You wanna find things you have in common with her, you go right ahead, no harm done at all. But Swifties react irrationally to anything they’d perceive as an attack on her. You just picked the wrong audience, is all.
Sorry if my response was unhelpful. My honest suggestion is to keep trying and eventually, hopefully, you’ll be able to find a group of people who appreciate who you are.
Thanks. I didn’t take it that way. I found the /r/ADHD discord and the people are much more accepting and said I didn’t do anything wrong and its the Swifties fault for taking it the wrong way.
It guess I can’t say anything that could possibly taken as an insult to Taylor Swift. Which somehow makes it suck even more bc I thought I found a place where I fit in (as a Swiftie myself) but I guess I was wrong.
Grouping people together by some arbitrary trait and thinking of them as all the same, is wrong. Someone clearly treated you poorly and they were nurotypical. They were wrong for that, but it isn’t because they don’t have ADHD. They were just assholes. Assholes are come in all shapes and sizes.
Assholes come in all shapes and sizes.
🤔
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Have you got a real world example that is not on the web/social media?
In my experience, the world is not run by NT folks, and if you’re being yelled at as an adult that person doing the yelling is certainly not NT.
As I’ve gotten older I have come to realise everyone is dealing with something, whether it’s a diagnosable condition or not. As an example my wife has anxiety with OCD thrown in, my daughter probably inherited both, my son has some ASD tendencies, my MIL is the biggest narcacist and a complete A-Hole, her partner is a functioning alcoholic with his own issues. Then my mum is likely got mild anxiety, as well as my little brother, older brother has anger issues as well as my father. All this is to say externally you would consider everyone I just mentioned NT, my wife is the only one that has been diagnosed with anything
So… you want a world run run by the neurodivergent?
I suspect you’re getting downvoted because this post reeks of self-pity.
I assume this person is a minor.
I can’t imagine a scenario where another grown adult would yell at another grown adult for being nd. People just walk away, not confront.
I mean I see people screaming at eachother over parking spaces so I don’t see how this is unbelievable.
Nope, I’m in my thirties and so is the mod who made me feel like a dumb asshole.
No, I just want a more equitable world, for everyone (not just us NDs but everyone)
Who the fuck is yelling at you? Just dump those assholes.
People yell at and don’t accept lots of people. You don’t have to hang out with those assholes
I replied to @[email protected] with an explanation, check that comment.
This is my third time writing this. I just have to say, I agree with you 100%. I’ve only begun to begin to act “normal” by being treated like shit and being afraid of being myself.
I’ve even had a boss tell me to only talk about the weather. It’s grueling, dehumanizing seeing other people talk like normal, but when I do it, it’s somehow wrong.
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Ignore it, friend. Nothing really matters except what matters to you.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I realized a long time ago that worrying about it is a waste of… everything.
Being online makes communication very simple (for good or for ill), but it also grants you magic powers: You can make people disappear forever at the tap of your finger.
You have more important shit to think about. I’m sure of it.
Frustrations at not seeing things the same way and needing to find ways to compensate and fit in properly with people who don’t think/feel the same way are absolutely valid, but this “they’re targeting me for being neurodivergent” mentality is totally unfounded.
You’re being downvoted because you’re ascribing dickish internet behaviour to some sort of broad-based discrimination by neurotypical people against neurodivergent people. You encountered an asshole…”NTs vs NDs” is not a thing. Besides, how do you precisely define neurotypical, and why do you assume the world is run by them? (I actually assume the opposite is true) How do you know the person/people you were engaging with were neurotypical? Why would a world created by people who do not fit your definition of neurotypical be any better to live in? There is generally more variation of people and behaviours within, versus between, large populations.
I feel like federated-not-Reddit-thingle has gotten to a point where it’s really nasty sometimes :-\ People look for the worst possible interpretation (even in ND spaces like this??) and get by with just generally crappy “sit down and shut up” type behaviour, among other things. Idunno if the caring types just got bored and left, or maybe the novelty wore off and they’re just less active than the ones who wanna be hateful and cruel, or maybe they’ve all skittered off to beehaw or someplace that doesn’t even federate with instances I’m seeing some of this behaviour on (or maybe most/all? I haven’t really been paying attention to that)
Am really thinking I should join them; the content (and ability to downvote the awful, which makes me feel a little better even when I don’t have the time or energy to fully call out the problem) probably isn’t worth the awful.
