• Cheradenine@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        53
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        1 month ago

        It would have been criminal under the law. I cheated, she cheated. It was the law, whatever agreement she and I had was immaterial.

        • MagicShel@lemmy.zip
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          10
          arrow-down
          16
          ·
          1 month ago

          That’s just how the system is. My wife and I are into bdsm. Legally speaking I’m guilty of spousal abuse because she legally can’t consent.

          So we just ignore the law. But if we ever divorced acrimoniously she could rake me over the fucking coals.

            • Jerkface (any/all)@lemmy.ca
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              13
              ·
              edit-2
              1 month ago

              It must be a weird edge case. You can certainly consent to being beaten, humiliated, degraded, etc.

              One thing you cannot consent to where I live is to be touched sexually while you are asleep. The moment you become unconscious (as though that were a thing with a clear, bright line definition) any sexual consent you have given is deemed to have been revoked. This seems rather paternalistic to me since you can consent to have your leg chopped off while you sleep, but whatever. There have been cases where police and crown prosecutors went after charges because someone talked about letting their husband have sex with them while they slept; ie they had moral consent but not legal consent, and so were charged with sex crimes over the protest of their willing partner.

            • MagicShel@lemmy.zip
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              8
              arrow-down
              1
              ·
              edit-2
              1 month ago

              A woman can’t consent to being hit in my state. Or at least that was the common consensus when we were social about it.

              I just looked it up and some random website says it’s fine with consent so either the entire community was misinformed, something has changed, or that website was full of shit.

                • MagicShel@lemmy.zip
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  4
                  arrow-down
                  2
                  ·
                  edit-2
                  1 month ago

                  Edited with more info. Idk. In Michigan if you hit your wife, my understanding is the cops will prosecute you whether she agrees to file charges or not.

                  For the record we are both in our fifties.

      • Jerkface (any/all)@lemmy.ca
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        15
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        edit-2
        1 month ago

        You don’t have to be married to cheat. You are right, they are totally different things. Marriage is a legal status that has nothing to do with sex. Asexual people can get married. Two straight men can get married. People in open relationships can get married.

        You want it to be illegal to cheat. That’s bonkers. How would that even work? Do you really want the state investigating your intimate relationships to make sure they are legal??

        Why should only sexual intercourse get that kind of protection? If my partner and I swear that we will share our feelings with each other, and I find out that they have feelings they’ve been keeping from me but sharing with someone else, that is cheating. But as long as there isn’t a dick and a vagina involved, it’s okay? Like where do you draw your lines, and why do you want those lines enforced by men with guns?