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The original was posted on /r/relationship_advice by /u/throwRAinturmoil on 2023-10-06 19:58:18.

I’ll just get to it. Today I (30F) had a bad day where I slept til 12 and then fell back asleep at 4pm and only woke up once my husband (35M) came home from meeting his friend. While I slept in the morning he had walked the dog even though fridays are my turn, because I wanted to sleep in. He seemed fine with it though. We ate together and then he left to see his friend. He came home and I was sleeping again. During my evening sleep, the dog had gotten into a garbage bag I’d forgotten on the floor and started eating the trash. He burst into our bedroom and started demanding why I was sleeping again and why the dog had been allowed to eat potentially dangerous trash. I was apologetic and cleaned it up, then left to walk the dog. Before I left my husband said that I am lazy.

Once I came back I apologized more and told him I shouldn’t have let that happen. He was ok with my apology. Then I messed up again by starting to ask if he really thought I was lazy. He said that yes he thinks it is lazy that I have a habit of not picking up after myself and that he’d never leave trash bags on the floor like that and then go to sleep. I guess I was trying to convince him that I’m not always lazy and it flared his anger back up. He said he’s actively trying to better himself by starting exercise, quitting alchohol, playing an instrument and learning new things. He wondered why I don’t do anything like that and why I was content with eating unhealthy food and laying around on tiktok. Which I guess are both things I do a lot.

To give context, both of us work, him full time from home. I work 3 days a week outside the home and 2 days a week I study to finish my bachelors degree. (I started later in life because I didn’t know what career I wanted). My husband said that his laziness comment isn’t directed about how much I work/study/do around the house, but more about picking up after myself and not doing anything to better myself or have any hobbies. Which is true, I don’t have any.

I’m not sure what to do. I know I should exercise, I’ve gained 45 pounds in 3 years and am not looking after myself as well as I should. I’m just incredebly hurt by this revelation on what he thinks of me. So that’s why I came here. I’d love some outside perspective. How should I try to fix this?

Tldr: Husband finds me lazy and I’m hurt