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The original was posted on /r/relationship_advice by /u/ThrowRA-9900 on 2023-10-06 21:43:00.

Hi, this is not a legal question but a relationship question. (According to the police, legally, there’s not much I can do to stop someone from calling for welfare checks constantly).

So basically, I moved out of my home state a few years ago, and I’ve had some really difficult mental health struggles this past year. I’ve had to take a break from school, but I’ve been much better lately, aside from the stress of this situation.

I met my boyfriend here in the new state, and we live together. But my mother hates him for some reason. He’s a great guy, and he treats me wonderfully. But she just plain doesn’t like him. She also wants me to move home to Florida and live with her instead while I’m on a break from school, since she thinks it’ll be better for my mental health. I disagree. So I stayed here.

That’s where this gets bad. Since I told her I’m not moving back to Florida, she’s been constantly blowing up my phone. So I blocked her. Then, she sent me emails, so I blocked her. Then my sister started calling, so I blocked her too. And then my stepdad, and then my uncle, and then my two cousins, and then my other uncle. Then, one of my uncles actually took a flight all the way here and showed up at my door to “come take me home.”

I stood my ground and stayed here, but I’m at my wits end. My mother called in a welfare check. So I unblocked her later to tell her everything was fine and she didn’t have to worry. Same with my sister.

But now, whenever I don’t pick up a call or if I respond to a text with “no, I told you I’m staying in Connecticut,” they call the police for a welfare check along with some kind of story: I’m on drugs, my boyfriend is abusing me, etc. I’m not really comfortable with having police at my door all the time and then having to convince them that I’m really fine and it’s all a lie.

The third welfare check in two months was about an hour or two ago. Four cops showed up at my door. I told them I can’t deal with this anymore and neither can my boyfriend, who’s getting really fed up with it too. They said they can’t just not do a welfare check, but they can try calling me first if I gave them my number. It won’t solve the issue though if there’s enough suspicion that I’m not okay. They have to come.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m stressed. Interacting with cops and defending my boyfriend against accusations is stressful.

A side note: my mother also played a role in my getting evicted from my apartment. Long story short, because of my mental health bills and my partner getting laid off, we’ve been financially tight and we’re late on rent. My mom called the landlord and recommended eviction, along with a whole story, I’m sure. My landlord is evicting me as of today. (Edit: more context on how my mother played a role in this is in a comment)

My boyfriend’s parents have been kind enough to let us stay with them for a little bit until we can get back on our feet, but they’re not okay with cops coming to the door, period. (understandable, they’re retired and don’t want the stress). But my mother knows my boyfriend’s parents’ address [she’s creepy and has even called my boyfriend’s mother]. And although I didn’t tell her where I was moving, I doubt it will take her long to figure it out. But if she calls one welfare check to that house, I will legitimately become homeless, and I’ll probably lose my relationship with my boyfriend too.

I’m just at such a loss here. What do I do? I can’t block her because she just freaks out. I can’t respond to her either, and I can’t afford to lose my only housing opportunity left over this.

I will NEVER go back to Florida, though. There’s so much more, too. She even called my boyfriend’s workplace to try to get him fired once. She also calls me from numbers I don’t recognize, etc. But all this is under the guise of “concern for my sick daughter.”

Has anyone else been through this and have any advice? It’s urgent.