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The original was posted on /r/relationship_advice by /u/Peach_Bellini_ on 2023-10-06 23:29:18.

When I first met my husband 3 years ago (we’ve been married 13 months) he told me that he had a masters degree and that he was currently working on a second one online. When we moved he told me that he never wrote his final paper and never finished the degree. I of course encouraged him to finish it but we stopped talking about it.

A month ago he randomly told me that he had finished the degree and that it was hanging in his office. I was instantly suspicious. Who gets a degree and doesn’t immediately tell their spouse or celebrate? The next day I asked him to send me a picture of his new diploma and he never responded. He later told me the cell tower was out near work. I dropped the topic and knew that I would get the chance to see his office eventually. Last week the chance arose and lo and behold there is no diploma hanging in his office. I asked him about it and he said “I never told you I had it hanging it’s probably buried under some paperwork.” He is in the military and I think they all have a big binder with all of their paperwork and documents so I grabbed that off the shelf and started flipping through it. There was only one diploma and it was for a Bachelor of Arts. There was also a paper with all his info and it also only listed the BA. He immediately told me that that was a mistake and was actually a BS and that his dad had his master’s diploma. And that that paper was outdated and that is was incredibly difficult to update things like that through HR

When we got home I asked for any proof of his most recent degree, anything, even an email would suffice. He couldn’t give me any proof. I asked for his advisors name he immediately gave a name. I looked it up and there’s no one by that name associated with the university. I asked him what he submitted his coursework through he said blackboard that university uses moodle. At this point I knew he was obviously lying and assumed he was lying about the other as well. He kept telling me he would get his transcript to show me though.

I called the university registrars office for the most recent “degree” and they had no record of him he was never enrolled there. That evening I sat him down and told him we needed to talk about the lying. He confessed that he had not completed the degree but had enrolled there and that he did in fact have a masters from his first university. I told him I knew he was lying and that I had called the university and begged him to stop lying. I asked him again if he was telling the truth about the other masters and that if he was lying I would leave. He swore up and down he was telling the truth I even told him I was going to call that university to check.

I called the university and was able to get a degree verification he only had the BA. That evening I told him I knew that he had lied to my face again and that I had contacted the school. He didn’t skip a beat the first words out of his mouth were “It’s actually two bachelors degrees.”…… I was baffled I had just told him I had proof of his degree and he tried to lie again! He doesn’t seem phased when presented with the truth and just tries to tell more lies. He then tried to tell me the university was wrong and it was supposed to be a BS. Never admitting to the lie just a constant spew of more lies.

He doesn’t seem remorseful I’ve gotten a few I’m sorry’s. I asked him today if he actually believed his lies he said no that he knew they were lies and that he just wanted me to be proud of him.

When we first started dating he tried to tell me that he was adopted. We had a long talk about it and I was confused that he’d waited until then to tell me it also came out of the blue. A few months later on his birthday I saw a text from his mom come through that read “Happy Birthday I remember when you were born and they laid you on my chest 8lbs 3oz!” I confronted him about it and he tried to say that she had given him up and then gotten him back? I know that’s not how adoptions work and he then said he remembered a lady calling him by a different name and some nonsense about his brother telling him he’s adopted. He also said his dads name wasn’t on his birth certificate. I found his birth certificate and his dads name is on it. We got in a big fight over it and it eventually just came down to him saying “I dunno that’s just what I thought.”

Aside from the lying he has no sex drive he rarely wants to sleep with me and if he does it’s only if I get on top. He rarely orgasms and just tells me it’s ok you can just stop. If I try to initiate he always shuts me down and says he’s tired or some other excuse. Worse case he’ll gaslight me and say “is that all you think about is sex?” Or “you make me feel like a piece of meat.” This will be after going weeks without sex.

By some chance this summer I got pregnant but ended having a miscarriage at 5 weeks. It was really early and I knew that these things happen and there was likely something wrong with the embryo. However I was feeling sad about it and hoping for some comfort from my husband. He ended up yelling at me and telling me he had four other miscarriages to deal with at work and that this is just like when we argue about the dishes. I was beyond hurt and couldn’t believe he could say such things to me. I was crying at that point and asking wtf was wrong with him. He backpedaled a bit and claimed he’d misread the situation.

I don’t want to be married to someone I can’t trust. And I can’t trust a word he says or trust him emotionally. I really like being married though and I see glimpses of who I fell in love with at times. I don’t think those glimpses are his true self though. I’m ready to settle down and start a family I hate to start all over and end a marriage so soon.

I’m sorry for such a long post. Typing this out is really helping me organize my thoughts.

Also is there anyone in the military that can confirm if a captain would have any responsibility to send out miscarriage resources to other soldiers wives? I think this is also a lie they have their own doctors for that. Why would he need to be involved anymore than granting leave so the soldiers can be with their spouses.