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The original was posted on /r/dating_advice by /u/Th_rowa_wa_y on 2023-10-07 01:46:22.

I’ve been single for my (25M) entire life, and no success despite trying. I’ve done tried actively looking for relationships in person, through friends, through OLD, I’ve tried just being myself and not looking for relationships and pursuing my own hobbies and socializing out and about, etc. Nothing has resulted in any relationship or seemingly any interest from women (which like, women aren’t a hivemind but for the sake of simple language, you know what I mean).

I already have a good social circle of friends. I have a decent job with various trajectories for growth. I have interesting hobbies and interests that overlap both in mainstream and unique/niche areas. None of it makes me happy, and the only times where I am happy while I am single is when I’m socializing with friends.

I don’t get why I’m supposed to somehow magically just “be happy by myself” when there’s nothing about it that brings happiness. Like, for where I am in life, I’ve hit every major thing I wanted to achieve and essentially have general roadmaps for going forward in life materially; nothing in terms of any amount of material progress, gain, possessions, hobbies, or activities is making me happy because the only thing I want is to feel loved or like I could be desired.

It doesn’t seem right that being unhappy at the thought of feeling unlovable should be a prohibiting factor in trying to find a relationship. Like, I’m not trying to use a relationship as some “solution” to “fill a hole” in my life – as a person and in terms of everything else, I’m complete, independent, fine, and functional. There is nothing wrong in my life except me being single, and the only thing in my life preventing me from being happy is the fact that I am single, and that has developed over the years because I have exhausted my own endurance and capacity to be happy while being single.

This feels like a rant at this point but I’m mainly writing this post because I don’t know what to do. I tried going to a therapist, but after nearly a year of wasting money I didn’t get anywhere, and of course that’s the whole point of therapy because “they aren’t there to give you solutions”. Like, I don’t need someone to sit in a room and listen to me work out problems by myself like I already do without them there, I need someone to tell me how to fix my life and either be happy so I can actually be capable of being loved and desired, or to tell me what’s wrong with me, or something.

I also know there are major limitations with posting on reddit in an anonymous fashion and that realistically I probably can’t get any useful, actionable, or specific advice since nobody reading/responding will know me, my chat histories or interactions with other people, or otherwise. I can candidly say that, by and large, I’ve had pleasant and inoffensive conversations, that I’ve done a mix of approaches in-person and IRL, that I’m socially competent and a good conversationalist, but those general statements don’t add much and could be interpreted as biased or lies or aloof or out-of-touch or otherwise due to presumptions anyone can make.

I’d just love to have some way of knowing how to grapple with all of this.