Like many folks mentioned there’s plenty of work to be done in making a party function.
You could help your financial departments with record keeping, your tech departments with nerd shit like updating and maintaining websites, your arts and propaganda department with drawing cool shit, your history/research/archivist department digitize old shit or organize documents, hell even just volunteering to be the dweeb that helps keep all the social media stuff posted up-to-date is important work.
People put all the glory on field work but forget that without a support network to make sure they’re well-equipped to do the work they’d be hella nerfed from the get-go. Always remember that any form of work no matter how little it seems to be is always necessary in some way shape or form to the overall movement and whatever contribution you can make no matter how small is always appreciated.
While this is the wrong mega I just wanted to congratulate you. I had similar experiences to you and it took me time and effort working towards gaining a sense of self.