What interested you in this book club?
I initially stumbled upon a thread on here where this book was recommended and I felt like it described the missing pieces to the puzzle of understanding myself. I have read through the book already and I’d like to read your experiences, as well as to share mine. I’d like to learn to unmask, to be myself, to accept myself as I am, to be compassionate with myself and to find happiness in all of this.
Are you neurodiverse? Do you know someone who is?
I am pretty sure that I have ASD. I score pretty high on the different tests that were posted on the other threads. The waitings lists are pretty long to get diagnosed where I am but I should get it sorted next year. Most of my friends have ADHD, I am usually the one that gives them structure and we balance out.
What stood out to you about the introduction? Any choice quotes? Anything you relate to?
I believed something was fundamentally wrong with me. I seemed to be broken in ways I couldn’t explain, but which everyone else could see at a glance. I spent several more years languishing like this, working myself to the point of burnout, having emotional breakdowns, relying on romantic partners for social contact and a sense of worthiness, and googling things like “how to make friends” in the middle of the night. Through it all, I never considered asking for help or sharing with anyone how I felt. I lived by a very narrow set of rules, and remaining independent and invulnerable was chief among them.
Many of these stealthily Autistic people fell back on their intellect or other talents to gain acceptance. Others became incredibly passive, because if they toned down their personalities, they wouldn’t have to risk being too “intense.” Beneath the inoffensive, professional veneers they had developed, their lives were falling apart. Many of them suffered from self-harm, eating disorders, and alcoholism. They were trapped in abusive or unfulfilling relationships, with no clue how to feel seen and appreciated. Nearly all of them were depressed, haunted by a profound sense of emptiness. Their entire lives had been shaped by mistrust in themselves, hatred of their bodies, and fear of their desires.
I’d have a couple more, but the ones that hit me the most were in the next chapters. Thank you for organizing this!
Well this chapter essentially deconstructed my general thought process, so that was uuuuuh, kind of a special? It prepared me for my diagnostic process… My GP referred me to what ended up being a pediatric clinic for ASD, which was a bit discouraging.
The entire passage about children learning to hide their autistic traits from a young age, having their parents not getting a diagnosis to help their child “rise above” their limitations. I was a really sensitive child, I was bullied until I forgot how to be myself. I got scolded in class for not listening, even if I already understood everything. Even if my teacher recommended it, my parents didn’t want me to get diagnosed for ADHD because they didn’t want me to use it as a “crutch”. I’m still struggling to understand how society only recently learned that the long-lasting effects of not getting a diagnosis to get the proper help can really mess with people and that we still need help even if we manage to “swim” and survive.
As an ultra-trail runner, I was screaming in my car when I heard that quote in the audiobook. I got into ultra-endurance sports because it made me find peace with myself, made me feel accepted and I could be intense about it without it being too weird.