When I was in the VA for a while I talked to a Vietnam vet and he was genuinely curious about why I was a communist. He asked questions and got the basic gist about why we were really there, not to stop communism but military industrial complex shit. I also got about everyone else there (15 or so) to march into the leader of the programs office to stop a trans veteran from getting kicked out for defending themselves from someone who started a fight with them (zero tolerance policy).

CW for past suicide experiences:

I had my own issues, tried several times to shoot myself because I was so depressed and loaded with guilt having been a willing part of the military and evil, however indirect my part was in both deployments. I still struggle a lot with the guilt I carry having knowledge of how the sausage of empire is made.

I’ve gotten better in the last year or two. Turned my experience into something I can build on and learn from. I try to help people now through a career in fire fighting, building my family, and trying to be a good person as much as I can.

That’s what I say to people when they talk about how great my benefits are. “Yes I love having my physical, mental, and emotional well being destroyed forever while losing and innocence I never knew I had, but yeah I can jump through flaming hoops to maybe get a VA appointment months from now while fighting for at least a year to get a claim for disability that they know people with that job suffers from.”

This says nothing obviously of the victims of the US military, but you know what I’m saying

I still struggle with this. Yes I was lied to and suckered in as a child, but the military shaped so much about who I am now. It’s difficult to try to separate myself from it, even if I’ve been out for several years now. It’s a weird dichotomy between the morons who praise me for being in and “serving” and my own personal knowledge of how evil and stupid the military is.

Just venting is all

Margaret Thatcher… welcome to the squad.

Other soldiers and vets essentially look down on you in some ways if you didn’t kill. Thankfully I never was in combat so I didn’t have to be put in that situation, even though I had a combat job. It’s so fucked.