playing in tune and in time is fascist

Anyone else’s para social relationship with this website so bad that you daydream about posting and venting on here?

low dose ketamine?

take me back to 2022 where i was in a one sided, unreciprocated, delusional, obsessive relationship but at least those delusions drove me to see a dentist for the first time in a decade, go out to concerts/shows, expand my social circle, and generally improve my quality of life

idk if it’s the disease itself or just the fact that i got it a third time but i think this last bout of covid has actually cooked my brain. i’ve been getting mood swings, irritability, thoughts of self harm, trying to sabotage relationships, etc. and i can’t fucking self medicate since i operate heavy machinery at work and am under familial supervision while at home. all i want is to have a cathartic crying/screaming meltdown but i can’t even tear up.

literally have become one of those people who just posts about their mental illness online that 17 year old me would have made fun of

anyone else lowkey hate their families? i live with my parents, they aren’t bad people or abusive, but fucking christ some of there behaviors and expectations are completely insufferable.

i get that at their age learning self-reflection is a tall order but this shit is driving me nuts

(almost posted this in the previous mega before it got locked so now y’all get read my garbage )

so like it was weird that I as a “straight cis man” was excited at the prospect of people reading me as queer when I began exploring self expression via fashion. My daily work clothes rotation included 4 button downs in the following colors: light blue, white, light grey, and pink. My shoes were light grey with light blue and pink accents. Literally all of my jeans were high waisted. I may as well have been wearing a trans flag cape shit was so obvious. Now you could say that my clothing choices were just things that complimented each other right? The years of LGBT overrepresention in my social media feeds and of consuming LGBT media definitely didn’t influence things. Sure… I’m gonna use this moment to kinda sorta come out. No hard labels or anything, I just know that (at least as of right now) I’m closer to something within the realm of queerness than what decades of cis heteronormativity social conditioning have led me to believe.

I will continue posting cringe

well my train of thought was that they haven’t responded to my texts in months and we have been drifting prior to that, they are more preoccupied with other friends, family, work, and other activities, and i felt i was putting too much into relationships where i’m where in the periphery of their social circle

taking these things into consideration, i figured it was a new year and time to move on

deleted by creator

how easy is it to get on antidepressants assuming i haven’t seen a medical professional in a decade and have crappy insurance?