The most important piece of advice I can offer is that, above all else, it’s going to be far easier to get your feet wet with learning if you’re working on something you’re interested in - since you mention RPG Maker, a pretty intuitive place to start would be to make a game, it’s going to start out small at first but as you put time into it it can grow and become more complex as your skills grow.

Two specific things that you mentioned in your post that I can specifically comment on:

its kind hard with life, depression, autism, and dyslexia i just feel like this might be an impossible task.

Just using my colleagues and myself as a sample group, I can confidently say that, while the neurodivergence certainly doesn’t make it EASIER, it’s absolutely possible to be on the spectrum, dyslexic, or depressed and still be a fantastic programmer - I know a ton of great people who fall into any combination of the three. There’s a ton of people across the programming community who deal with each of them and, as a result, there’s a lot of useful tools that’ve been developed to make it easier to work with (in particular, dyslexic-friendly fonts come to mind)

i even got rpg maker 2003 but idk how to use it do i learn myself or are there videos for it?

Good instinct, the correct answer to just about every single programming problem in the known universe is going to be “have you tried looking it up on (google/youtube/stackoverflow)”? There’s a ton of people who’ve put their time into creating tutorials, how-to guides, and walkthroughs to get started on doing specific tasks in given programming languages or environments, and you can find a guide on just about anything as a result. In particular, something along the lines of “getting started with RPG maker 2003” is probably going to be the way to go at first - personally, I find I learn best from Youtube tutorial-type videos, but you’ll learn over time what works best for helping YOU learn.

Your taste seems like exactly the sort of thing I’d enjoy, do you have any specific suggestions for someone who absolutely loves Eco’s metafictional novels in particular and metafiction in general? (Aside from Possession, which I’ve never heard of but is going directly on my to-read list)