jadedwench [they/them]

First, I am a pan-sexual woman with severe ADHD and a sprinkling of BPD. If I have a meltdown or an episode, I am VERY sorry. Let me take 5, and I can apologize and be a reasonable human being again. None of this is an excuse, but it at least explains it. I assure you, I will be tearing myself apart with guilt and embarrassment for far longer than is healthy. I would be eternally grateful if you could have a little patience and not pour fuel on the fire. I would never wish any of these disorders on anyone. I will do my best.

Who am I? That is always a difficult question to answer as self introspection can be a rather painful and difficult exercise. I don’t believe we are always the same. We all change, but we do like to make the same choices over and over. If I had to sum myself up, I am a force of nature who cares too much.

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Joined 5 个月前
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Cake day: 2025年2月16日

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  • Today I was taking meds and immediately could not remember if I had taken Adderall yet, so I waited it out. I was pretty sure I hadn’t, but I also didn’t want to mess up. When it turned 2pm and I had not even remotely started doing anything useful, that answered my question…

    Pill organizers don’t help and I need to visually see how many pills are left so I can put in a refill right away. I definitely go on the side of caution when going through all of the pills each morning. I try to make a pile first, but I will also take one or two of them while sorting and not notice. I have to break most of my pills, so I know how each one tastes, the texture, etc. This helps fix mistakes if my brain really doesn’t want to cooperate, with last resort of waiting if it is something really bad if I take double.

    • Puts on jeans
    • oh wait, I finished knitting that leg warmer, let’s wash it for blocking
    • hmm, maybe I will let it dry and mould to my leg while I am working
    • removes jeans and puts on long sweater as shorts are nowhere to be found
    • watch random YouTube
    • ugh, it is sliding down and I need to make the icord
    • how do I make an icord again? Which yarn should I use?
    • I can’t find that one specific needle size even though it doesn’t matter
    • give up and start it
    • shouldn’t I be working?
    • get annoyed by teams messages and turn it off
    • find different video and forget to continue icord
    • stare blankly at work and go back to knitting
    • what was I doing again?
    • fuck, I really need to do work. What time is it?
    • fuck. I definitely didn’t take my meds.

    Insert other moments of confusion, stimming, and failures as needed.


  • Those feels. I hate all the time I “waste” due to indecision or distractions, but I still have to feel like I had free time or I will be depressed. It is even worse when things like work or other external factors that I did NOT plan for get in the way. Dopamine…where art thou?

    This is why I get frustrated if I have to work late. I still need 4 hours or so of downtime, which means that if I am up until 1-2am and can’t wake up in time for the stupid morning standup, too damn bad. I am privileged that I can do that sometimes, but I have also worked 12-14 hour days for weeks on end at other jobs and even eating seemed like a waste of time.

    PS: I do know that you have hunger issues Stamets. If you were in my area, I would feed the hell out of you.












  • Nothing wrong with getting another assessment, especially if everything was diagnosed at once, or out of order, if that makes sense? Sometimes it takes a bit of treatment/meds to detangle the bin of labels.

    At the end of the day, if you can get the support you need and any documentation for the harpies, you are already ahead. Now, getting good support? That costs extra with a side of doubt, some F, and +2 to anxiety.