as a tme trans person with some passing familiarity in this discourse i don’t feel particularly offended by these kinds of comments because I know that because of transmisogyny i have structural privilege over tma trans people. so a transfemme making a snarky comment about trans men or afab gq people, even if it dips into some unideal “invalidating gender” territory, isn’t nearly on the same level as the violent transmisogyny that gets perpetrated from those groups.

i’ve yet to read whipping girl which is on my reading list but i think serano discusses the divide between tme/tma trans people a bit too. ultimately i think it’s more important for us tme trans people to deal with transmisogyny in our communities first, because these kinds of comments are just a reaction to the dynamics of unrecognized privilege and violent exclusion in these transmisogynistic trans spaces. idk, just my thoughts though and i don’t want to invalidate your experience with nevada especially as I haven’t read it.

I’m not a binary trans person, but I also am pretty set in my non-binary experience of gender, and it very distinctly isn’t in any way related to my agab (I get a lot of dysphoria when gendered as a girl/woman.)

However, for a while when I was first questioning, I thought that I didn’t experience a lot of physical dysphoria, just social dysphoria. As a result, I thought that maybe I didn’t want to medically transition because I, too, was scare of permanent changes. So during this questioning phase, there were times when I quite liked my more “feminine” body, and times when I wished I had different fat distribution. There were times when I liked my boobs and times when I hated how much they gendered me. But the more I got misgendered, the more uncomfortable I got, and I began to solidify both my experience of physical dysphoria and how I wanted to transition. I know some nonbinary people are okay with getting read as their agab, but I really wasn’t.

All in all, it took my about two years to fully decide that I wanted to medically transition, which is where I’m at now. There are still some things that I don’t really want to change, though. I very much do not want a penis, so I never pack and I have no intention of getting phalloplasty. Top surgery is still somewhat of a toss-up that I’ve been waffling on for a while, but I think I’m starting to come down on the side of “yeah get these off” (frankly I wish for velcro boobs, but I think that it’s easier for me to just fake having boobs when I want them rather than to bind when I don’t.) I also do not really want to pass as a cis manly man, I just really want to stop getting gendered as a woman (which all strangers do to me. I do not pass at all.) Really, what I want is to be confusing.

Idk if any of this helps but I thought I would just word vomit a little. It would be really nice if we could just shapeshift at will, lol.