A bit of a rant, pre-sorry but so sad and annoyed right now.
Went to my favorite barber shop today. It’s built on being nice, upscale, and men’s haircuts. They do the works, good cuts, beard trimming/shaping, hot towel, the whole thing, and it’s built to be man’s place, they have a pool table, they have a couple of kegerators, they’ll pour you a whiskey while you wait. Very nice.
(Note I say man’s but really if you’re a woman/any other gender and you like that sort of thing, then awesome. I mean man in the masculine sense)
Until recently this was my favorite place, but apparently it’s gotten on the mom groups online and now the last few times I’ve gone it’s just filled with children and moms. Where I could go and get a whiskey while I wait and find someone to shoot pool with, now kids are literally running around and as for the pool table they’re just throwing the balls around. Meanwhile the moms are either talking with each other or hovering over Bradley getting his hair cut and how cute it is.
On top of it all, because there was a group of them instead of my normal 20 min wait it was almost a 2 hours wait. I just walked out.
I’m just so tired of it, this place obviously was built for adults but god forbid we have any adult places that aren’t “actually meant for children”. I mean obviously it was built for children, there’s 2 kegs and a shelf of nice scotch but yes, bring all of your children here.
How come every place that used to be for adults is now a child zone? My favorite breweries used to be great places to let off steam after work and now I have kids playing tag in the middle of them. I flat out don’t go to movies anymore because even the super late showings are just dumping grounds for inattentive parents to leave their kids. And god forbid you ever mention outside a community like this that you want to drink a beer without a kid running around or you’re literally the devil who should be shunned.
Anyway, this isn’t going anywhere specifically, I’m just really sad, and I didn’t get my haircut today.
It’s the people that changed. It used to be common sense. There were places parents knew that you just didn’t bring kids. But now, parents are taught to be entitled. They demand to bring kids everywhere.
I’d suggest that a minor contribution to this would also be stagnating wages; inflation; and increased cost of childcare. Now the ‘adult’ activities we want to enjoy are more expensive; we’re earning less money (in real terms); and childcare is more expensive, leading to a lot of people on the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum to be faced with the choice of ‘take your kids or don’t go at all’.
I definitely agree with you though. Western societies have been becoming more individualistic and entitled and that’s likely the biggest cause. I just don’t think it’s the only cause. As with everything in life, the reasons why something happens are usually varied and can rarely be boiled down to one thing.
Individual selfishness is responsible for… People having children, raising them, and bringing them places?
Am I insane or does that just on its face not make any sense?
Your first paragraph is the actual reason here. It’s too expensive for a lot of parents to get a babysitter, so they need to bring their kids with them if they want to go do something. And for many people like me who work from home (I don’t have kids yet but the point stands) that one night every week or so that we go out to dinner is basically the only time I go to do anything fun outside the house that isn’t working out. When I worked in an office (which I ever want to do again) I’d go out to lunch with coworkers and occasionally do a happy hour after work, but that isn’t an option anymore.
If I had kids we’d be bringing them with us when we go out because it would be significantly cheaper than hiring a sitter for a few hours.
Individual selfishness is responsible for… People having children, raising them, and bringing them places?
Am I insane or does that just on its face not make any sense?
It has always been cheaper to bring a kid with you to something to hire a sitter.
Previous generations seem to have understood that having kids means you don’t get to do all the things you want to do all the time. Or, doing so will cost however much a sitter cost.
But, as an example, I was in a comically expensive restaurant not too long ago to celebrate a friend graduating law school. (Appies are 30+, entrees range in the 50s and it would be gauche to only get an entrees.) But, even in a lovely place some parents decided to bring their screaming child much to everyone else’s delight. The cost of a sitter would’ve been less than either of their meals, their wine or a fraction of what his suit cost. But they decided to keep that money and inflict their child on the rest of us. To me, that’s selfish.
As a parent I don’t understand that need to bring the kids everywhere. I don’t want my own kids running around while I’m trying to enjoy “adult” activities let alone any one else’s.
I’m trying to enjoy “adult” activities
But that’s the point. They don’t want to enjoy adult activities. They want to inflict their own misery to everybody else.
It still blows my mind when I go to a brewery on a fuckin weeknight and there are kids everywhere at 9 pm. I don’t get it.
It’s a lack of respect for others. Bad parenting.
Yep… can you imagine how entitled the children of entitled parents are going to end up. It’s a bleak future.
It’s more likely to swing back the other way, in my experience. Entitled parents use their children as a weapon in public, but the attention often stops in private, when the parents want “me time” and still have a burdensome kid to take care of. The kid grows meek and people-pleasing to earn the parent’s positive attention and grows emotionally stunted because “crying makes mom and dad mad, emotions are shameful.”
It’s still an absolute mess of course, but once a parent who shouldn’t be a parent reaches a certain level of entitlement, the damage done causes things other than more entitlement.
Well…. I only feel a little bit bad in saying that I hope you’re right.
The other night, my SO and I went out for dinner at a nearby place and there was literally a group of kids running laps through the tables while the parents just looked on.
No way am I saying don’t get your kids out for dinner but atleast enforce basic courtesy applicable in public spaces!!
That’s where you take them to Applebee’s, somewhere where I’d expect kids to be running around. They shouldn’t, but I expect it. Fine dining no way should they be in that position
I get you. I also hate kids running around. I understand they’re kids and they don’t know better, but their moms don’t even care. That’s the problem because the kids never learn to respect other people’s space.
And if you say ANYTHING, even politely, the mother gets offended. I was once on a plane trip where I desperately needed to get sleep before driving home from the airport, and I was next to a mother who gave her son a very noisy toy. He kept banging it against the seat constantly, and I said please. I said “Could you please play quietly?” and she gets mad at me. “He’s only 6.”
Eventually the kid caught on that I had a terrible headache and quieted down, but his mother didn’t even say a word to him to ask him. I told him “Thank you for playing quietly” afterwards and ignored her.
Late stage capitalism, savage capitalism, an overcapitalized society, whatever you want to call it… It’s a bunch of different factors that all eat away at the social fabric that make raising kids easier
Housing is expensive, and people frequently move for a job. It’s pretty unusual to live next door to family, who would often give free childcare. You also don’t get neighborhoods full of young parents anymore - everyone is just living wherever they can afford to
For-profit media - thanks to decades of horror stories (of crimes that peaked in the 80s, but are great for viewership), leaving a child not in the hands of a specific, designated adult is grounds for a CPS visit in a lot of places. You can’t drop them off at the park (even if there are many adults present) or leave them at home anymore, regardless of if they actually need the supervision. It’s one thing if they’re 3, but a 7 year old can generally keep themselves alive pretty well, especially if you prepare them for it
Monetization and over scheduling - activities for them are paid and have specific time slots. Tae Kwon do is an hour at 6, soccer is 5-7… If you’re late you need to find someone to watch them. And most of that requires money and a big time investment because of car culture
Babysitters are the exception, but they’re either rare or expensive. Minimum wage isn’t near enough for teens to want to do such a crap job (parents often treat them like crap and expect a lot more from them now), and teens are less trusted. They even have certifications for teens that are a few hundred bucks to teach them what to do in an emergency - basically the heimlich maneuver, how to change a diaper, and when to call 911. Adult professionals have regulations to meet, and are a significant cost
Finally, we’re pushed hard to be individuals that can be interchangeable and portable labor. Outside of family, we don’t have the same tight bonds of friendship our parents or grandparents did… And even family doesn’t mean what it used to
Yeah, I don’t buy that humanity has drastically changed all of a sudden. It’s the circumstances that are different and we’re all paying the price.
I mean, yeah? I just listed a bunch of circumstances
Humans are the most trainable animals we know of. The differences are due to the systems we’ve built - humans aren’t much different, but the way we organize has changed rapidly
People normally adapt to their environment. Having goals of a close social network and a tight family isn’t important to the environment of the USA (probably most of the world). This environment is to use you up and make as much money off your labor as possible with giving you as little as possible.
That doesn’t leave much left over for you to focus your energy and time to your family, friends, and social gatherings.
I wish there were more adults only places/days. I am autistic and children are very overstimulating. Plus I like doing childish things so… Gimme a no child night at an arcade or mini golf or something and I would be there so fast
Agreed. God help you if you want to have a special date night at a mini golf place. Oh you wanted to have a romantic night? Sorry billy and Jimmy are going to just push you aside while they play. Their parents dropped them off and won’t be back for an hour
It could be argued that these are children’s spaces and you should have no expectations of it being free from children, or romantic in any way.
Because mom groups are filled with awful, awful people who don’t care how their behavior affects others.
It’ll be fun! We’ll take Jayden kaiden and Brayden and go get everyone hair cuts and we’ll get a chance to catch up!
Just please take them to great clips or something
Sorry to hear, and this isn’t going to help much, but sometimes going childfree can be an economic decision. My favorite place to stay in Las Vegas is Circa, and one of its features are no kids allowed. I don’t mean no small children, or just no children in the casino, I mean no one under 21 is even allowed past the door, ID is checked. Not in the hotel, not in the restaurants, not in the pool. And it’s a great pool.
Too bad it was built non-union
I understand your frustration. I would be very annoyed if I was in the same situation. We need adult only places that are not nfsw.
Honestly if they offered a hair cut at a strip club I’d go there just to avoid kids running around
Stone restaurant and brewery added an array of chicken tendies and there’s kids climbing all over the rocks.
The struggle is real.
deleted by creator
I have two kids- 7 and 8. Sometimes I want to get away from them (and everyone else’s kids too). If I had a spot like you described and it got co-opted I’d be pissed.
Ultimately it’s up to whoever owns the business though. I’m guessing the two hour waits mean more money for the business owner and barbers that work there.
I don’t even get why the mom groups would find it appealing - are the haircuts unusually good or cheap or something? Do the moms partake of the whiskey? There are hair salons just for kids, with Xboxes and everything - if you want to go somewhere and have your kids be able to run around like crazy people while they’re getting haircuts, there are way better options.
Generally barber shops that serve alcohol are in very upscale parts of town and a haircut and beard trim after tip and tax is probably to be close to about $70 bucks. Generally.
I am also very confused why people would take their kids to one of these places.
Probably, because it’s a good chill space that serves drinks and they can socialize with their friends while Little Billy gets his haircut.
The same things that appeal to OP would also appeal to many adults that have children, even if those things are of no benefit to the kids themselves.
And the sort of person who’d take a kid to a venue like that, while ignoring how disruptive their kid is to the people normally there - that demographic overlaps pretty heavily to folks who also are completely fine paying $70 for a kids’ haircut, because their own cut & colour or beard sculpting run a couple hundred.
Let’s expand childcare so it’s not so prohibitively expensive!
That’s just bad business sense if they allow that to continue.
Except it sounds like it is tremendously busy and probably coining in the cash.
This is the first answer in the whole chain that has made sense to me. Regardless of what type of parenting philosophy people subscribe to, businesses are going to do what makes money. It doesn’t matter what everyone thinks is right or wishes would happen.
Sometimes it’s not just about profits. Something a lot of companies could stabd to learn.
Principles don’t pay the bills
My school principal never had trouble with her bills…
They do if the principles maintain an environment your customers can tolerate, thus keeping your customer base intact instead of seeing them go somewhere that doesn’t have kids running around everywhere.
Who is bringing in more money, the people with the kids or without?
Exactly the type of comment capitalism wants you to perpetuate
I’m sorry that happened to you. Let the business owner know that all of those kids are ruining the vibe that you patronize their business for. Solving this problem could be as easy as the barber shop offering something like a kids day where they don’t serve whiskey and instead serve lemonade or something, allowing that day to be the main kids day.
I think you don’t see those adult only places much any more because to most they have outlived their usefulness. There are 2 factors behind this. First, there are far fewer children around nowadays than before. When everyone had multiple children, adult only spaces were necessary if anyone wanted to get anything done. The second, and honestly a great thing from a childfree point of view, is that between birth control and abortion, most people who do have kids genuinely want them. I suspect that most of the demand for those adult only spaces in the past was from people who were seeking peace from their own kids. Of course all parents need breaks from their kids, but ever noticed that the people who complain the most about their children are the ones who had them out of obligation rather than desire?
I have a kid and not by choice because even with birth control and abortion in a Christian family community you aren’t left with options.
because even with birth control and abortion in a Christian family community you aren’t left with options.
Those are both perfectly fine options. You are your own person, do what you want.
aw that sucks. No one should have to have kids for lack of real choices. I hope your kid is cute and easygoing.
