• Ho_Chi_Chungus [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    10 months ago

    So your village just got drone striked. Wondering why? Please consult the criteria below:

    ✅You done a racism.
    ✅You done a narco-terrorism.
    ✅You done an independent central banking system.
    ✅You heckin disrespected Israel.

    Drone warfare is my weapon of justice, and an AGM-114 Hellfire missle is my bullet. Pow.

    FAQ:

    So, what does this mean? The credit rating of your country has been decreased from AA to B+, and you are not allowed to use US dollars for international trade anymore. Also you have been banned from the SWIFT banking system.

    Why did you do this? There are several reasons I may deem a village to be unworthy of existence. These include, but are not limited to • Harboring of terrorists • Possible ownership of chemical weapons, • The people were minorities

    Am I banned from life? No - not yet. But you should refrain from committing crimes against the US in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to issue an additional drone strike, which may put your family and life privileges in jeopardy.

    I don’t believe my village deserved a drone strike. Can you help rebuild it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I undo a drone strike. If you would like to issue an appeal, tell the media what I got wrong. I tend to respond to the media in several minutes. Do note, however, that 99.9% of drone strike appeals are rejected, and yours is likely no exception.

    How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the drone strike and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated by the free world. I will continue to issue drone strikes until you improve your conduct. Remember: life is privilege, not a right.