I finally filed for divorce from my abusive wife recently. I believe she might be a clinical psychopath at this point. She picked a fight with me on my 40th birthday the other day and this ruined the time I had with my daughter. She did things like this constantly.
I just feel like she has finally completely broken me as a person…I now am unsure if I can get better. I will stay alive for my daughter’s sake, but some days I really don’t want to be.
I have no real resources. I have no money. Most therapists I’ve seen have been terrible. Most people I talk to don’t seem to believe me that I’ve been abused. I just cannot take this anymore.
I finally got on a couple dating apps to see if that made me feel better and it had totally the opposite. It set off a very bad downward spiral.
I feel like I have a lot to offer. I’m funny, kind, smart, a talented musician/artist, I think I’m handdome even (can’t post a pic obviously), but no one seems to care. It’s like when I put my confidence to practice I get rejected and reminded why I shouldn’t have any.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get better.
I was an alcoholic for a long time. I then switched to weed and have had a similar experience. I actually was able to quit for a month after I filed the divorce, but I’ve been using again after some stress from it.
I hope one day I can use it like 1-2 times a week but I may not need it. I like when you can use it to enhance your experience, not cope with it.
When it became legal and available where I am it lost some of its hold on me. If I have it I smoke it out of boredom . Knowing I can get it tomorrow makes me feel like I would rather do other things today.