I understand. I feel the same way a lot of the time. I’m sorry about that other person, they were obviously frustrated but being dismissive of your lived experience and throwing it in your face just because you didn’t immediately accept their vague sentiments isn’t fair.

I’m the only non-white person in my team at work. My manager and several members of my team have always treated me with more scrutiny, more suspicion, less leeway than they give any of the others. Less professional courtesy in general. I didn’t invent these enemies, I tried to fit in the best I could but there’s something ingrained inside of them that tells them that I’m lesser than they are and they act on it. That’s just in a work environment, now just imagine how much worse it is in a social setting.

So I understand. It’s not as simple as just “seeing people as friends rather than enemies.” Sometimes what you choose to see people as doesn’t change anything, unless the solution being advocated is for you to diminish your own dignity and self and blind yourself to people’s hostilities towards you. Which is what we all do anyway. It doesn’t make you feel any more accepted.