DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately at social events, I often find myself trapped by people who want to share, in excruciating detail, their genetic test results.
Each person finds their own results deeply compelling, marveling at length over being 3% this and 15% that, with stunning reveals like, “I thought I we were Welsh, but it turns out we’re Scottish!”
Meanwhile, the next person is on deck, barely half-listening, eagerly getting ready to launch into their own genetic saga.
Monologuing about the minutiae of one’s DNA is self-absorption at, quite literally, the cellular level. Is there a polite way to shut this down?
GENTLE READER: Oh, dear. Miss Manners would have thought that we had established the idea that bragging about one’s lineage is rude, and now it has started up again.
Well, you could try expanding the scope of the conversation. Try, “What would your ancestors have thought of the state of America today?” Or, “I suppose you must want to travel there now. What are your vacation plans this year?”
Or, “Excuse me, I need to freshen my drink.”
they tested my cum and it came back Probably Nordic, just like Opa always said!!
So, I did this for my dog because I don’t think he’s going to lose any sleep over this like I would.
And I should note that the scores I got back were comically off the mark. Like, its very obvious that this dog is some mix of spaniel and beagle had a list of breeds ranging from Rottweiler to poodle come back. Most insulting of all, they claimed our dog was from Maryland and then showed us a bunch of dogs that look nothing like our dog, asserting them to be possible relations.
So not only is your genetic data being signed away. But its almost certainly being signed away to a company that will mangle your results and just kinda slot you in as some random assortment of traits. Real shit news if you get put in the Bad Genes bucket rather than the Good Genes bucket, when your insurance company comes calling.