I also plan on going over this in my next therapy session along with me possibly having pathological demand avoidance and executive dysfunction, but wanted some spicy(and real) takes from other terminally online ND commies that are forced to go outside occasionally.
So, I’m atheist/nihilist/it’s complicated but I go to church with my Christian wife and my kids on Sundays and sometimes Wednesday evenings. It’s fine, whatever. I’ve actually made a few friends there and some of them are aware that I am bleak-brained about religion.
Some of them who know me more personally even will ask if they can hug me or whatever. It’s fine if I know it’s coming and it’s with someone I know and can prepare for.
But like 99.9% of the rest of those people and the rest of humanity can fuck the fuck right off. Why do randos feel obligated to touch other people?
In that church, we are part of a “small group” and the last one we joined, a dude there who I never met, just came up and hugged me. Did that the next few times too before I was able to shut the hug down a handshake compromise. I didn’t wanna be mean about it and figured a handshake was bearable. I’m used to them from the stupid fucking formalities that come with job interviews. Sure, fuck it.
But then the old fart that holds the door open like Jesus would have wanted… whey does he feel obligated to give me a back pat? Don’t fucking touch me maybe?
This last Sunday they had new Elders selected(I don’t get it either. Spend 2 months asking how they can select more inclusive Elders and still pick 4 old white dudes) but I was walking passed one and he felt the holy spirit in him to gently pinch the bottom part of my bicep in some weird fucking “coochie coochie coo” display. Like what possessed him to do that? Never talked to him outside the casual stupid fucking small talk. Dear dude with the bizzaro tickle fetish, could you fucking not?
I spent all my life suffering from anticipatory anxiety of people touching me in all these dumb fucking rituals of hand shakes and shoulder clasping and I would dearly like them to fucking stop.
So, how do I actually do it? I am extremely blunt and have a short temper and feel like if I don’t get this sorted I’m gonna blow the fuck up at the next person who touches me without my permission.
Tips, tricks, bear strength pepper spray?
If someone looks like they want to touch me I say “no thank you” and take a step backwards away from them. If someone touches me without my knowledge I twist away from them, yell “NO”, and maybe give them a slap if I’m feeling it. If any bystanders question me about it I say something about “…get his hands off me”.
If it’s a touchy relative or something, I try to talk to them about it to make them understand that it’s surprising and shocking to be touched without forewarning. If it’s a relative that doesn’t internalise that, I try to be aware of the situation and take control of it by touching them first, e.g. putting my hands on their shoulders first and moving closer for a “hug”.
Thankfully I don’t have many relatives around. When we have dinner with her family they all want to hold hands and pray. That’s another fight for another day and I just suffer through it.
I think I am gonna def try being vocal about it. Sounds like a potential one and done way to go and if “feelings” get hurt, no biggie since I don’t know them.