Here is the thing, this is terrible flirting. Men are not clueless or dumb. We have been told by women that a woman looking at us or smiling at us or being nice to us is not her flirting. It is her being nice because society has told women they have to be that way all the time. So now women have to use their adult voices and actually say what they want and actually flirt back.
That is again not on you unless the woman very clearly said hey I like you. This is because we have taught women that you flirt by being subtle and coy and we have taught young men to ignore that.
Also, women flirt for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with actual interest. They’ll flirt at a restaurant to get better treatment. They’ll flirt because they’re bored. They’ll flirt because they want to see how you’ll react and talk about it later w/ their friends. I’m convinced that women flirting isn’t a good indicator at all for interest, I need actual, verbal confirmation.
My wife had to be pretty direct with me before I got the hint. When we met, she signaled to me to come over (she was w/ a group of friends), asked for my number, and texted me first. I have been conditioned that approaching a woman in a group is generally a bad thing, asking for their number is creepy unless we’ve already hit it off, and texting first can also be creepy unless it’s for a specific reason (e.g. I had a good time, want to do X?). But women get to do all of those things. I’m happy to initiate (and I did for our first real date), I just don’t want to be labeled a creep.
So I just treat any kind of flirtation as an indication that they want something from me, and avoid acting until I know what that something is. So please, be direct. It’s not that I don’t notice the flirting, it’s that I’m unsure what you’re looking to get out of it. Verbal confirmation confirms it, and at that point (you don’t need to say “I like you,” but something like, “I’d like to get to know you”), I’ll be much more interested in reciprocating (speaking as a generic man here, not my married self).
Hands down, some of us are just deaf to flirting. Because it’s portrayed as so much more uncommon that a Girl flirts with a Guy. You are 100% right. But I’ve seen dudes getting hit on with a Baseball bat, and they were like “Whaaat? You sure?!” I tried to help a Girl Friend of mine out to set her up with another friend of mine. Bro was dumb as a Golden Retriever but twice as loyal. And now they are going steady for years.
Here is the thing, this is terrible flirting. Men are not clueless or dumb. We have been told by women that a woman looking at us or smiling at us or being nice to us is not her flirting. It is her being nice because society has told women they have to be that way all the time. So now women have to use their adult voices and actually say what they want and actually flirt back.
Well, some of us are also clueless when it comes to reading female interest, or were at an earlier point in life
That is again not on you unless the woman very clearly said hey I like you. This is because we have taught women that you flirt by being subtle and coy and we have taught young men to ignore that.
Also, women flirt for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with actual interest. They’ll flirt at a restaurant to get better treatment. They’ll flirt because they’re bored. They’ll flirt because they want to see how you’ll react and talk about it later w/ their friends. I’m convinced that women flirting isn’t a good indicator at all for interest, I need actual, verbal confirmation.
My wife had to be pretty direct with me before I got the hint. When we met, she signaled to me to come over (she was w/ a group of friends), asked for my number, and texted me first. I have been conditioned that approaching a woman in a group is generally a bad thing, asking for their number is creepy unless we’ve already hit it off, and texting first can also be creepy unless it’s for a specific reason (e.g. I had a good time, want to do X?). But women get to do all of those things. I’m happy to initiate (and I did for our first real date), I just don’t want to be labeled a creep.
So I just treat any kind of flirtation as an indication that they want something from me, and avoid acting until I know what that something is. So please, be direct. It’s not that I don’t notice the flirting, it’s that I’m unsure what you’re looking to get out of it. Verbal confirmation confirms it, and at that point (you don’t need to say “I like you,” but something like, “I’d like to get to know you”), I’ll be much more interested in reciprocating (speaking as a generic man here, not my married self).
Hands down, some of us are just deaf to flirting. Because it’s portrayed as so much more uncommon that a Girl flirts with a Guy. You are 100% right. But I’ve seen dudes getting hit on with a Baseball bat, and they were like “Whaaat? You sure?!” I tried to help a Girl Friend of mine out to set her up with another friend of mine. Bro was dumb as a Golden Retriever but twice as loyal. And now they are going steady for years.
Absolutely.
A LOT of us are, though…
Usually correct, though sometimes it IS and other times it’s just her being nice voluntarily. Such is the mysteries of interpersonal interaction!
Boo! Adulting sucks! /j