Because we can’t afford to actually pay our national healthcare workers a living wage, we simply stand outside on some nights and clap together for them in unison. This gives 51% of the country warm feelies, which is much more important than actually paying these essential workers.

How can she slap?

Cos the bastards stopped me banging my shield

To turn the light off/on

To prove our superiority in grace over sea lions, who also can clap, but not as gracefully

We’re smashing the invisible fairies that otherwise might whisk away talented people.

To create sound waves.

To show dominance over the T-Rex

Because we forget to buy condoms.

Those cheeks aren’t going to clap themselves

Because causing pain to ourselves is a sign of gratitude to those we directing the gesture towards.

To make sure our ears still work.

Because we lost our voice

We clap the slate to make sure the sound is in cynic with the picture. It’s more of a tradition now that we have time code.

to propagate.