Krusty doesn’t deserve this.

Witcher 2’s controls are a bit janky, but it’s a solid game in and of itself for the story alone; if you can stomach some pretty bad mechanics to enjoy an otherwise decent product, I’d say start at #2.

Witcher 1 is… so bad it’s kinda comical. I’d just pull up a story summary of Witcher 1 on youtube and call it a day. If you’re a masochist, go ahead and give the actual game a whirl; but I’d recommend modding the snot out of it to at least make your character OP as fuck, allowing you to mostly skip the god-awful combat. But even then, the only selling point is the story, which again you can just pull up on YouTube.

That said, you can dive into 3 with zero knowledge of the previous two and be just fine. There are things that will go over your head, but nothing significant.

Once you get a hold on dodging/parrying/etc, you’ll feel like a damn ninja, especially on harder difficulties; but leading up to that, yeah combat is… OK. Also don’t miss out of experimenting with different builds - one of my favorites optimized using bombs, which later into it makes you a walking B-52 - fun build if you enjoy clearing trash via a wave of pure chaos, then mopping up the stronger guys by way of the sword.

And yeah, the whole package is what counts here: Witcher 3 is a fantastic all around game. It isn’t without it’s imperfections, but they are barely noticeable amidst the tsunami of ridiculously high quality you’ll be hit with from all the other features.

Orcs Must Die! $9.99 $2.99 (70% off)

Hybrid tower defense and 3rd person shooter/slasher. This game is… fucking stupid! Like by design - your character is a moron, and says some of the dumbest shit you’ll hear come out of a protagonist’s mouth. So with this game, you get a high dose of face-palmy humor paired with orc arms/heads/bones/etc flying across your screen after they get blended up by all your traps. Gameplay is surprisingly solid; you’ll get some time to think and plan where to place traps and obstacles; then you’ll get hit with a wave of orcs and other fantasy critters and try to manually pick off any that make it through the traps. There are a couple more games in this series - imo #1 is the best, but if you like this one, keep the others on your radar too.

Valheim $19.99 $9.99 (50% off)

You’re a viking that died and you find yourself in a purgatory called “Valheim” to prove you’re worthy of Valhalla. Another survival builder - with a somehow charming combination of really bad graphics paired with really good lighting. The combat is kinda clunky, but the other elements of this game make up for it. Well worth $10!! Don’t forget to turn your music on before summoning a boss.

Subnautica $29.99 $9.89 (67% off)

Sci-fi survival builder: you’re on a massive spacecraft that ends up crash landing on an ocean planet; your goal is to figure out wtf happened and find a way off the planet. This game is 80% feel-good tropical diving simulator; and 20% thalasaphobic deepsea horror. This has become one of my go-to “idk what to play” games that I keep returning to for a nice digital tropical vacation… with a dash of fleeing in terror from, uh… spoilers. No really though, if you don’t already know this game’s story, DO NOT start looking up videos and posts etc about it - just buy it and dive in.

Satisfactory $29.99 $14.99 (50% off)

Sci-fi, you’re dropped down to a lush alien planet to do what humans do best: strip all of its natural resources! Combat is limited, but boils down to fighting off wild animals - the main gist of the game is building and optimizing things like miners/conveyor belts/smeltors/assemblers/etc to automate the pillaging of the environment with increasing efficiency… which admittedly sounds more like work than play, but this title caught me a bit off guard with how fun and - true to its name - satisfying it is play.

Grounded $39.99 $19.99 (50% off)

This is basically “Honey I Shrunk The Kids” as a survival builder. Set in the 80s, you and up to three others are teens that miniaturized by… well you gotta figure out the how and why, and how to return to normal size by navigating the back yard of a scientist with some knowledge on the tech. TBH, I didn’t really expect much from this game, but found myself having a ridiculous amount of fun with it. It is REALLY well made - the attention to detail is insane, from the yard design to build pieces. I wish I had this game when I was a kid, but still enjoyed the hell out of it in my 30s.

The Witcher 3 - Wild Hunt $39.99 $3.99 (90% off)

If you’ve somehow managed to avoid Witcher until now, it’s a dark medieval fantasy, 3rd person, open world RPG based on Norse mythology. Lots of political intrigue, choices that actually impact outcomes in game. Fantastic voice acting, story, soundtrack, and combat/gameplay mechanics. This is one of the best games on the market - if you don’t already have it, now’s the time! There are also two DLCs that are each the size and scope of an entire standalone game - don’t miss those!

Also available DRM free on GOG for the same price.

(shoutout to @[email protected] for GOG intel)

I don’t think I’m capable of articulating just how fucked up it is that that level of nuance is even possible, let alone backed up with recent examples.

Aaaand a song I haven’t heard or thought about in almost 20 years is now stuck in my head. Fuck. xD

Surgical tech here!

We do these (breast reduction surgeries on men) every now and then. Not super often… I’ve been in maybe 10 of them? Of the ones I’ve been in, one was a dude with breast cancer - chopped out the cancer, then chopped down the other moob so they’d heal to be the same size. All of the other ones were gym rats who took steroids and grew some boobs. None were overweight.

I’ve only been in a handful, so grain of salt, but in my experience weight is NOT a factor.

…and this seems like a good time for a plug: Men can 100% get breast cancer. Not often, but possible. If any of you fellas feel a weird lump in your moobs, DO NOT hesitate to get it checked out!!

…I should know better than to try to out-logic Einstein.

One of the best games on the market. Worth every cent and then some, even at full price.

Yeah, by Yahoo… fuckin assholes.

Initial scroll through looks pretty meh. There a list of good’ns going yet?

Edit-

From another thread, looks like Witcher 3 is 90% off. If you haven’t played it yet, now’s the time!

A while back I crunched the price per mg from a bunch of different sources of the same meds.

Walgreens was the most expensive by a huge margin. The best was Costco, also by a pretty large margin; the difference between the two was over 1000% in some cases, not exaggerating.

Don’t ever shop at Walgreens - they are a horrific ripoff.

Just realized this is the perfect time of year to stock up on some fireworks. That level of evil leaving the government (formally or influentially) absolutely merits celebration!

…there are a few of those fucking cockroaches whose passing would justify lighting up a few celebratory 'splosions.

IT WAS SO GOOD! It was better in like 2010 than shit like discord is today.

Would be an incredible product today if it continued to receive development (w/o enshitification ofc).

It’ll almost be like having xFire again!

…I miss that software. IIRC they were bullshit-litigated out of existence.