should probably preface by saying that comedy is one of my special interests, improv and stand-up comedy being my favorite flavors

I saw a thing in the paper today about a local comedy collective offering classes.

From the snooping I’ve done online, it seems like it’s led by a guy who did comedy elsewhere but now lives here in rural shit-hole Ohio and is trying to create a community for it. It’s a PoC leading it, which instantly gives me more faith in the endeavor.

The pictures they’ve posted from previous improv workshops give me the impression that these are my favorite flavors of weirdos.

But - presumably like most of you? - I am a very specific flavor of strange that most people don’t like, and tbqh, I’m going through an particularly difficult period in which a strong dose of negative feedback could be extremely harmful.

but I’m also desperately lonely and struggling to figure out if there’s anywhere I fit in at all anywhere in the world

Engaging with this opportunity seems like a big risk - maybe I could meet some people with similar interests with whom I could get along, but maybe also I could feel terribly rejected in a way that might be horrifically harmful for me right now

I tried to bring it up with my husband in the hope that I could get him to do it with me, but before I even got that far in the conversation, he was scoffing at the very existence of the class, so I feel like a real dumbass for even being interested

is this stupid?

      • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
        10·
        6 months ago

        I am definitely not used to company

        considering I have been feigning it for other people so long, idk what actual good company for me would look or feel like

        idk how to adequately express how lost and alone I feel, but baby do I ever

        • Pluto [he/him, he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
          5·
          6 months ago

          I feel you.

          I’m probably stranger than you. You have to take a “leap of faith,” if you will, and just go through with it.

          If it fails, you gain or lose nothing. But if you succeed once, then it will change your life for the better.

          • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
            7·
            6 months ago

            Idk dude, I read you all the time on here and I think we’re they’re same level of strange ❤️

            if it fails, I do unfortunately stand to lose things — I’m pretty fragile right now, a lot of negative feedback could be profoundly detrimental due to some pre-existing issues with familial support etc.

            As much as I relate to all the things you say about your neurodivergence, one of the differences I’ve sensed between us is that you seem to derive your sense of self from somewhere other than how everyone else sees you, but this is not a skill I have developed.

            And I genuinely do not understand where anyone gets it from.

            This should probably be it’s own post, but I just don’t understand how people get diagnosed with ADHD/autism and then immediately forgive themselves for all their “deficits” and for being unlike neurotypicals.

            I spent decades feeling like I was a bad person for not being this way, and apparently everyone else finds out there’s a reason and that makes them feel like less of a failure of a human, but that hasn’t happened for me even a little bit. I just see how I didn’t measure up to the NT expectations and feel like that makes me a bad person. How does anyone say, “well, it was because of this thing I couldn’t help,” and then feel okay about it?

            Probably this isn’t a question you can answer

            Really this is a question for ReadFanon@hexbear.net and their team