Some days I desperately want horrible things to happen to (many of) my coworkers. All of them are white, and my manager in particular is a horrible person. Constantly micro managing, pretending she’s so busy when every time I talk to her she’s whining about not wanting to do work, constantly creating more work for everyone else to do to give the appearance of being busy, incredibly judgmental and passive aggressive but too chickenshit to actually be proactive in discussing issues, paranoid as fuck and will be suspicious of others with no evidence whatsoever. Just the worst type of person to be put in a managerial role, as is often the case. I’ve been thinking about quitting every day for about a month now because of how she and others in the team treat me. Honestly, if I valued myself more, I would have left a long time ago.

There’s one guy in the team who’s anxious and his anxiety manifests by being extremely physically guarded around me whenever I’m near, as if I’m going to pick his pockets. We’ve worked together for years at this point and he still behaves this way. Doesn’t do it with anyone else in the team. I’ve always tried to be nice to him and have never done anything to make him think I was a thief. I love it when mental illness and racism intersect. He’s also a podcast person so his paranoia is likely fuelled by stupid amounts of true crime nonsense, which then gets taken out on me as the only non-white person he likely interacts with on a frequent basis.

Pretty much everyone in the team treats me as lesser one way or another and I’m getting to the end of my rope with it. But what am I going to do? Join a company with no crackers in it?