If a woman gives me vague signals it’s a sign that she’s not right for me. Everything other than a “hell yes” is a no. Which is fine, I’m okay with being alone. But I’m not going to chase someone who hints that they’re into me, because I’m too damn old for that shit.
Also, don’t take the disrespect personally. Especially if it’s someone new in your life, they don’t know you deeply enough for that to be a personal thing.
It’s just the game she’s decided is necessary for her safety. It might be perceivable as disrespectful, but security procedures often are. Like if you went to your friend’s house and they demanded to search you for weapons that might seem disrespectful.
But you’re not friends with this person ghosting you. They don’t know who you are. And in some environments, when someone unknown to you comes to your house you pat them down for weapons, even if it diminishes the hospitality.
I understand risk and security, sure. I carry a weapon everywhere I go because I understand it intimately.
I just object to the idea a person is “being terrorized” by that situation. As if all the people interacting with them are terrorists, because they are too confused about their relationship to their own fear and safety to carry a weapon.
I got terrorized by one person once, and now I keep that weapon on me at every moment I’m not behind my own locked doors. I do not believe that I am being terrorized, simply because I live in a dangerous environment.
Words have meaning, and the meaning matters. A person who is anxious is not, thereby, being “terrorized”.
“Schrodinger’s rapist” indeed, as if the concept of a dangerous environment didn’t exist before the year 2010 when that term got coined by people who think they’re the first to encounter the world.
No, it’s not. If I’m talking to someone and they look disinterested, that’s not a “hell yes.” If they’re standing there while their four-top is waiting on refills, that’s not a “hell yes.”
A “hell yes” is them asking me questions, or sharing a relatable story. It’s them smiling and looking at me when I talk. A “hell yes” is me asking “would you like to talk alone” and her saying “hell yes.”
Get used to being alone. Learn to love its freedom and spontaneity, and then find someone who’s better than that who says “hell yes.”
Well I’m just saying I’ve had not hell yes signals turned into a hell yes date very quickly when I asked them out. Of course I always ask them very open ended so they have all the chance to say no but I got a “yes of course!”
Sometimes people are just a bit shy or afraid, I know I probably give of pretty meh signals even if I’m crushing hard.
I agree it’s very important not to fool yourself but sometimes you gotta ask to know for sure and I don’t think it’s that black and white all the time
E: love a good Convo down vote no reply… weak sauce.
If a woman gives me vague signals it’s a sign that she’s not right for me. Everything other than a “hell yes” is a no. Which is fine, I’m okay with being alone. But I’m not going to chase someone who hints that they’re into me, because I’m too damn old for that shit.
Also, don’t take the disrespect personally. Especially if it’s someone new in your life, they don’t know you deeply enough for that to be a personal thing.
It’s just the game she’s decided is necessary for her safety. It might be perceivable as disrespectful, but security procedures often are. Like if you went to your friend’s house and they demanded to search you for weapons that might seem disrespectful.
But you’re not friends with this person ghosting you. They don’t know who you are. And in some environments, when someone unknown to you comes to your house you pat them down for weapons, even if it diminishes the hospitality.
This must be said more frequently. This is the correct attitude. You may be alone longer, but you haven’t terrorized anybody. It’s a net win.
I don’t think it’s me terrorizing people when they give me clear answers.
Are you pulling a #NotAllMen? Really?
Nope. I think that nobody is terrorizing anyone by receiving clear answers.
But giving the can be a risk for some people.
Taking a risk is not the same as being terrorized
Damn you’re thick.
You really don’t get the idea of the Schroedinger Rapist, do you?
I understand risk and security, sure. I carry a weapon everywhere I go because I understand it intimately.
I just object to the idea a person is “being terrorized” by that situation. As if all the people interacting with them are terrorists, because they are too confused about their relationship to their own fear and safety to carry a weapon.
I got terrorized by one person once, and now I keep that weapon on me at every moment I’m not behind my own locked doors. I do not believe that I am being terrorized, simply because I live in a dangerous environment.
Words have meaning, and the meaning matters. A person who is anxious is not, thereby, being “terrorized”.
“Schrodinger’s rapist” indeed, as if the concept of a dangerous environment didn’t exist before the year 2010 when that term got coined by people who think they’re the first to encounter the world.
I feel like signals of interest are being conflated with Consent/approval of a date here
No, it’s not. If I’m talking to someone and they look disinterested, that’s not a “hell yes.” If they’re standing there while their four-top is waiting on refills, that’s not a “hell yes.”
A “hell yes” is them asking me questions, or sharing a relatable story. It’s them smiling and looking at me when I talk. A “hell yes” is me asking “would you like to talk alone” and her saying “hell yes.”
Get used to being alone. Learn to love its freedom and spontaneity, and then find someone who’s better than that who says “hell yes.”
Well I’m just saying I’ve had not hell yes signals turned into a hell yes date very quickly when I asked them out. Of course I always ask them very open ended so they have all the chance to say no but I got a “yes of course!”
Sometimes people are just a bit shy or afraid, I know I probably give of pretty meh signals even if I’m crushing hard.
I agree it’s very important not to fool yourself but sometimes you gotta ask to know for sure and I don’t think it’s that black and white all the time
E: love a good Convo down vote no reply… weak sauce.